old thoughts and freewrites and writers block

This is just a bit of random stuff i wrote a little over a year ago when i was in a creative writing class. we were having a free write, and my attempts at poetry were just giving me writers block, hence, this result of jumbled thoughts. i found it while searching my desk drawer for a birthday card i need to find by spring, and i decided to post it here. so enjoy. or not. doesn't really matter.

Outside the Lines

When someone gives you lined paper,
write the other way

What if....everyone was always honest? Would tact and sarcasm still be allowed? If everyone were honest-gracefully so-would the world be a better place?

What is it about stars? What do we see in the nigh sky to fascinate us so? It's always there, and, albeit rotation, always the same. (at least, it appears so, to the unscientific eye) Is it that we know they're always there, even when clouds cover them? Is it that they go on forever, for an eternal distance no numbers or words can express? Is it that distance that fills us with emotionand sends a vague chill down our spines as we look up? Or is it something else , something about the tiny pinpricks of light that inspire us? Or is it only me?

That's all she wrote, there is no more.



If sarcasm is a form of speech, it is an art. Therefore, I am an artist.

buy your VALENTINE-O-GRAMS, buy one today.

I'm happy, i got my letter people stuff in the mail today. most people think i'm nuts for ordering stuff off of ebay for this six year old girl that i only see for thirty minutes every week, even the directors of OhioReads (tutoring program). but i'm okay with that. the only thing is, the cd has one song for each letter, which i guess is all i really need, but i wish it had the song about how Mr. C and Mr. K settled their differences. see, my kindgtn teacher used the letter people to teach us our letters, and we would color our worksheets as she played the songs, and she promised that on the last day of school, she would play the song about how Mr. C and Mr. K settled their differences (they got into fights because they made the same sound but couldn't decide which went where) but she never played it. it made me sad, and i've always wondered how that song actually went. rather sad, and pathetic, but there you are.
i'm also happy because jennifer (amy's best friend, and i'm practically related to her, she's over here so much. she went through a stage where she actually called our dad "half-daddy, but that's another story.) bought two valentine o grams from me.......uhoh, hang on, i can't remember where i put the money she gave me........be right back. okay, it's on my desk. stop panicking now. anyway, as i was saying, valentine o grams are being sold by the church across the street from the high school. i'm selling them to raise money so that i can go with them on a mission trip to mexico this summer. the idea is that the person buying the val. o gram writes a personal message, that we print out on a nice piece of paper and deliver to their door. that costs five dollars. you can also order cookies (another $5), a carnation ($2), a heart sucker ($0.50), or a song ($2). the song choices are "you are my sunshine" "i love you truly" and "beautiful dreamer". if you want to request a special song, it costs $10 instead of 2 because we have to find it and learn it special, etc etc. they'll be delivered on Friday the 11th from 6-8 or Saturday the 12th from 12-5. Since karaoke nite might be that friday, i'm going to see if jan (youth pastor) will let us deliver them to the high school if the person is at karaoke nite- drag the person up on stage and sing to them...that would be fun :D. if you want more information or want to order one (hint, hint) email me at sarai_kristi@yahoo.com. i have to have the orders in by the feb. 6. that's all for today, folks.


love will die if held too tightly. love will fly if held too lightly. tightly, lightly, how do i know Whether i'm holding or letting love go?

The Universe Is Set Against Us...But We Won

This morning me and Rachel left the high school at 9:15 as usual. She had forgotten her lunch money, so we stopped at her house, which is basically on the way, for "half a minute". Unfortunately, her driveway was icy, and the car slipped off the ice onto the snow as we were leaving her house. her mom came out to help, and put a board underneath the left front wheel, because it was still slipping on the ice. i guess the board was too thick or something, because instead of gripping the board, the car somehow turned it around and shot it all the way up to the house, a distance of about ten yards (probly a little less, i'm bad at such estimates). rachel's mom then went inside to get some cardboard, which wouldn't hurt her if the car shot that out as well (she was pushing the car from the front, and the board almost hit her). Somewhere along the lines, rachel slipped on the ice and fell, which didn't make matters any better. Thankfully, the cardboard worked, and we were on our not-so-merry way. We decided that if we went really fast (without crashing and dying) that we would still have time to stop at UDF like we usually do. We did so, and didn't seem to be too incredibly far behind. Then, however, we ran into construction- you know, the kind where they're blocking one lane and they've got guys holding STOP/SLOW signs. they were in our lane, so that slowed us down. then we went to turn onto...i forget the name of the road, it starts with a B...but anyway, there's the road we were on, and then road B intersects it at about a right angle. in one of the corners is a small parking lot that isn't really separated from the road, so it's easy to think you're turning into the street, but really turn into the parking lot. anyway, there was a truck stopped in the left lane of Road B, which didn't bother us, because we were turning into the right lane, of course. however, there was a guy in a van who was half in the parking lot and half in the right lane, with his window open talking to the guy in the left lane. they were completely blocking traffic (okay, so the only traffic was us and another car in the left lane of road B. not the point). he didn't even move until rachel honked her horn. it was extremely strange. but the amazing thing is, despite everything trying to stop us and make us late, we were definitely on time to our english class. Ta Da!


The writer seldom writes what he thinks. He writes what he thinks others think that he thinks.

Snow...snow...snow...and...more snow!

I love snow. Almost all of my friends hate it, however. Well, at least half, anyway. Those that hate it keep telling me that when I start to drive, I'll hate the snow. That's not true. Anyway, if I was going to hate the snow, it wouldn't be because I started to drive- it would be because I started working at kroger. tonight was my second night working the night before a major snowfall forecast (first was before christmas). To give you a bit of perspective on how busy we were, we probably made more money than we did christmas eve. we were absolutely slammed.you hear about people raiding stores for bread and milk, you know, but you don't really know until you work at a grocery store. EVERYONE does their shopping the night before the storm because, if they don't, they'll be stuck at home by the snow for WEEKS AND WEEKS and they'll all STARVE. I feel sorry for the sensible people who just happen to be doing their shopping those nights- those poor folks who wait in line for twenty minutes to buy their five items.
Now I'm trying to find out if Upward Bound is cancelled for tomorrow....My dad said he saw it on the tv this afternoon, and that it was moved to next saturday...but i checked the tv just now, two different channels, and i didn't see it. and i don't know how else i'd find out, because they haven't passed out the phone trees for snow days. hmmm... i think i'll call the office just to see if there's a message that says.
if it is cancelled though, i won't be able to make it next saturday. at least, i shouldn't be able to...but then again i don't really know. we're supposed to be having a choir competition that day, but i'm not sure we're going. mrs. b. brought it up the other day, but i'm not sure if she said we weren't going or just concert choir wasn't going. i think she said that chamber was and concert wasn't, but i'm not sure. she doesn't seem nearly stressed enough for us to be going to contest in a week. and what songs would we sing? we turned in all of our christmas songs....vocalise (ha, that's funny, we wouldn't finish that in a week if we worked on it nonstop), phantom (that could be, we're close to done), girl from ipanema (not sure, we're kind of in the middle), sigh no more ladies (we haven't touched that in months, but i think we almost finished it), lift thine eyes (we'd have to work on that a lot to finish it by saturday), i dream a world (we finished that i think...but we still need to work on it)....yah....i'm not sure we have much to sing at competition if we went. i think i'll go email mrs. b now and ask her...i never found out what those people said about the show choir competion either, i'll ask her that too.



God must love stupid people, he made so many.

Theoretical Theories and Poetical Poems

yes, i realize i just posted, but i remembered two things i've been meaning to post for a while, so i might as well do it now. firstly, i posted several poems on deviant art, they should all be under my recent deviations- saraikristi.deviantart.com. I love you abby for reviewing each and every one- thank you so much.
secondly, i have a theory about a best friend's role when their friend is involved in a breakup. this theory involves two scenarios: 1. the friend initiated the breakup because they no longer had romantic feelings toward their boy/girl friend, or 2. the friend was on the receiving end of a breakup, especially one where their boy/girl friend left them for something else. Now these theories are in no way necessarily true or tested. that's very important to remember. just a thought i had after observing one of each case.
SCENARIO ONE
let us presume that the friend who initiated the breakup wished to remain friends with their boy/girl friend, but their boy/girl friend is having a hard time with that and is very upset and basically ignoring the friend. Here, the best friend takes the responsibility of insisting that the boy/girl friend is being a complete and total jerk. While this is most likely an unfair portrayal, it competes with the image in the friend's mind, who, still being sympathetic towards the boy/girl friend, is likely to remember their boy/girl friend as more saintly than they really were. These two opposite images cancel each other out, leaving a more balanced portrayal of the boy/girl friend in the friend's mind.
SCENARIO TWO
i am too lazy to type out a neew scenario, so i shall just say that in this setup, the friend's boy/girl friend broke up with them for any number of reasons, but this works esp. well if it was for another person. then, the best friend does the same thing for the same reasons and...thats all. ta da. future philosopher at work.


we humans are a doltish lot. we want what we cannot have, miss what's right in front of our noses, and buy platform shoes on impulse when we know we'll never wear them more than once.

Inauguration Epiphany

I'm sitting at home alone watching the inauguration ceremonies. i'm glad i'm by myself, actually, becaue everyone else would raise their eyes and start moaning and complaining. now that's all well and good, as i am nowhere near being bush's number one fan, but you know what, he won the presidency fair and square, so we should work with what we have. and now, the speech.

notes on speech
`applause for just saying everyones names?
`violence will gather as long as terrorists exist
`only one force can break this cycle
`oh, not us like i was expecting him to say- human freedom
`our liberty depends on liberty in other lands
`best hope for peace is expansion of freedom
`no master, no slave
`requirement of security, calling of time
`goal of ending tyranny in world- bit vague there
`not primarily cast of arms
`freedom must be chosen defended by citizens
`may reflect their customs, not ours
`not to impose, but help them find voice
`american voice is not unlimited- glad he realizes that
`most solemn duty to protect america
`just because ending tyranny is difficult, doesn't mean we should avoid it- true
`encourage reform in other governments
`succesful relations require decent treatment of their people
`reights must be more than grudging concessions of dictators
`no justice without freedom
`no rights without liberty
`past four decades are swiftest expanse of freedom-is that true?
`therefore, odd time to doubt freedom's global appeal
`to serve people, must trust them- do our politicians fully trust us?
`depend on help rely on counsel of allies- first part true, but the second?
`division among free countries is freedom's greatest enemy
`life fragile evil real courage triumphs
`unfinished work of freedom at home- true
`economic independence-necessary yes
`highest standards to school, honorship society- not openminded enough to go there yet
`greater freedom from want and fear
`public interest depends on private character- yes
`self government relies on governing of the self- oooh
`reference to more than just christian religion
`liberty of all doesn't mean independence from one another- good point
`must abandon all racism, cannot support freedom and bigotry at once

you know what.........forget, for a moment, your thoughts and opinions on Bush's policies. forget political party divisions and bias. forget your suspicion of all political figures. forget all that. if you have to, go back to 9/12/01, when everyone was a person. that was all and that was everything, because that was all that mattered. Think of Bush as a fellow person, nothing more and nothing less. now go read his speech. don't let yourself think about his past policies and decisions and personality and motives that you may or may not agree with. just think about the speech. now you may call them fanciful idealistic dreams if you wish, but i think they are something more. you may, in the wildly popular cynical view of government and politicians, say that he meant none of it and is only manipulating us for his career. you may say all this and more, i know my family would. but i won't, not anymore. why do we believe that every single politician is a conman, and none of them believe or mean anything they say? they are people same as us. and while some political people have been out and out scammers, we don't have to leap to the cynical conclusion that every politician is. i believe that Bush truly believes what he said in his speech. and you know what? when you just look at the ideas of it, which is all it really was, ideas, i agree with him. I may not agree with the way he is going about things, but, in my current moment of epiphany, i realize that i am generally on his side. it seems a bit scary, but it's true. i think that bush is fighting for what he thinks is right, and thats what i think is right too, generally. His state of the union address, when he goes through his plans point by point, i may disagree with a lot of things he says, but we're working towards the same end. we shall see how long my refreshed optimism will last outside in the big bad cynical world.


Barn's burnt down...Now I can see the moon.

Hey wow, I'm alive!

Look at me! I'm here, alive and well. I survived giving my speech in class AND driving home from goshen kroger at night. amazing, absolutely amazing. a downright miracle in fact. i'm very relieved to have my speech over with, i was afraid it wasn't exactly what it was supposed to be about, but then i went near the end and heard everyone else's speech, and mine wasn't really off topic after all. the only really bad thing i did, actually, was i ended with "and that's it". our teacher has permission to throw erasers at us if we do that. i said it really quiet though, because i like started to say it, and realized i wasn't supposed to, but couldn't think of anything else, and faded off. next time, i'm going to take a lesson from emma, who went after me, and just end by thanking everyone for listening. but otherwise, everyone liked my speech. it was about how mr. begley left, and how his leaving showed me the way teachers view students leaving as opposed to how students view it. most of the class thought it was brave of me to give a speech where i was praising and sympathizing with my teachers, because in high school that's just not cool. i also had to explain that i was still in high school for the right message to come across, and everyone was really impressed that i was doing pseo. so yeah, i'm relieved. and not as worried about my next speech, although i still need a topic....i need to give advice based on a personal experience...any ideas?


God, give me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, the courage to change the things i can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Breathe In, Breathe Out, Don't Worry About Things You Can't Change

He's there, the phantom of the oooperaaaaaa..........
these songs have been stuck in my head ALL WEEK! They are wonderful songs, but geesh. We listened to them in choir because we're singing them, and then because they are such cool songs we listen to them in Rachels car. so they are rather embedded in my head right now. maybe the weekend will get them out.
I have lots of money in my pocket. :D This makes me happy, because it means I have permission to get a cellphone. Tomorrow. And it is a cool flip phone with a color screen and no contracts. Neato. this means the added benefit of not being forgotten places as often. Whee.
Upward Bound is tomorrow. Yay. i can finally give abby her present, and i can tell her about what happened at youth group. i think i will tell her after all. my decision to tell her has also resulted in me having fun arguments inside my head with the person who doesn't want me to tell anyone. These arguments are fun because they involve me winning and telling him off, which is always fun, because i think i've actually told someone off, let's see...exactly...zero times, in my life. These tellings off, although they never happen, are always wonderfully scripted in my head. therein may lie part of the problem- last time i got close to telling someone off, their response was not at all what i expected from the script inside my head, and i was shocked into a silence that i now regret. aaaaaanyway.
speaking of school stuff (i was speaking of school stuff- upward bound, school, they're connected), I got my ACT scores back. I got a 32, which made me extremely happy. i hate actually telling people, because then i feel like i'm bragging, and i hate that, but this is different, because it feels like a journal. i would especially never brag about things like test scores or grades to amy, she stresses enough as it is and has some mild inferiority complex going on. of course, mr. salisbury, who, i would like to point out has NEVER has me in class, absolutely insists on talking about me in amy's class. he mentioned my test score, and although his facts were slightly off (he said 31) the idea is still the same and amy came off swearing that he had virtually said in front of the class that she would never be as good as me. now, that's not exactly what he said, and amy has a tendency to blow things out of proportion and to freak out about things, but still. i feel bad enough when my old teachers compare her to me *cough*MrsSullivan*cough*, but a teacher who's never even met me, for crying out loud. that's ridiculous. (my apologies to any fans of Mr. Salisbury reading this now. as i think i've pointed out by now, I don't know him. It's nothing personal. i just think it was unprofessional of him to have handled it the way he did)
and i think i have run out of random comments now, except for this one, which i just thought of- letter people rock! i vow they shall help Chrissy learn her alphabet.

Conscience Vs. Vengeance...Which shall win?

I had fun last night. i went to youth group at GUM, and the theme was Extreme Makeover/The Swan. We divided into two groups and each group made over one person with hair extensions, dresses, high heels, make up, etc. our group was extremely hilarious, because of the person we chose. he warned me that whatever happens in youth group stays in youth group, but it's just so funny..... i won't post his name here, but it will be very difficult not to tell abby on saturday, as she would also find it extremely hilarious...and in some odd way, befitting... besides, she has enjoyed torturing him since upward bound started anyway. i did succumb and tell rachel, but if anyone else knows, that is amy's fault, because she decided she's going to tell everyone, even if i don't. and if he blames me, well then he's just paranoid with a guilty conscience.
On a more serious note, i found out my cousin Sean does not have narcilepsy, so he was shipped over to iraq. he was actually in the building next door to the mess hall where that suicide bomber was. scary. i wrote a poem about it, if you want to read it, go to this site- http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/13745371/ . other of my poems, and a few pieces of art, are in my gallery at- http://www.saraikristi.deviantart.com/gallery/ .
College started today, for the winter quarter. it feels strange to be back here again, i was getting used to going home after choir. but most of my books are very small and paperback, which is a good thing, and even my math book isn't that big. that's a big change from last quarter- now i can fit all my books in my bag. my professors seem nice enough. english prof. seems nice, but not too friendly. philosophy prof. seems nice and friendly, although i think she tries too hard on her jokes. i had my algebra prof. last quarter already. i love him, he's funny and nice and friendly. he teaches in a very understandable way, and best of all, he has a brittish accent. hehe. anyway, that's all for now.

Never doubt that a small group of people can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.