Traverse City Fun

I am alive. Well, of course I am, you say. Not quite. That was called into question two days ago, when i went sledding. Let me see if I can show how these hills were set up...The first hill doesn't look incredibly steep, but it's slick and you go really fast. It would be like this > if you use your imagination and erase the lines on the bottom that are going the wrong way (just don't draw on the screen, that would be bad). That hill is lots of fun and not really dangerous. The second hill, however, is much taller and goes more like this \ in other words, straight down. i went down the first one once, then me and amy trekked to the top of the second hill. we looked down and saw our mom, emily, and the entire other family there all watching us. we however, were getting nervous. "we're going to die, i'm going to die" but we went down anyway, so fast that we flew off of our sleds at some point and just began rolling and sliding. we ended up going down that hill three more times, and even emily was brave enough to (she even went down backwards, but thats because she thinks thats less scary). I will upload pictures once we get home. my mom took practically two rolls of film while we were there, then took them to a one hour photo place yesterday. i might upload the picture of my grandmas cat and my perfectly decorated sugar cookies as well.

The only people crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who can.

Misunderstood

shouts yells screams sobs doors slamming Everyone frustrated sobbing crying sreaming or worse muttering that they are misunderstood I hate it most when the mutter those are the words that it always seems I am the only one who hears I ame the only one affected by them The same way it seems like I am the only one who can feel others frustration in my heart and soul and very bones even when-especially when-it isn't spoken and since i am the only one feeling thses things it's only logical that of course they are speaking to me me for no one else is hearing or sensing their frustration and that is what then frustrates me and upsets me because no matter what they are actually saying-usually "no one understands"- I hear "YOU don't understand" and those words cut into my heart and i want to shout "i do understand! i want to help you, but you are too busy slamming doors. i cannot penetrate the cloud of negative energy you have surrounded yourself with. you say no one understands you, so certain that it's true, that it makes me invisible. I DO understand , but in your belief of being misunderstood and eternally frustrated, that cannot be so, so i cannot exist and am not here. i am invisible. Always the invisible bystander, no matter what is wrong or who is frustrated when people are talking i can feel the tension, hear the steel in their tone, when they cannot. i know exactly what both need to hear and say to make things right smooth things over. ofthen they are saying the same thing and need just a small translation to be understood. but they are too stubborn frustrated 'misunderstood' to sacrifice their ways and practices at all, in the tiniest gesture, to compromise. small words and phrases which would harm neither and help both cannot be said not even for the greater good of peace. instead both sit stewing in their seperate worlds, surrounded in their fog of negative energy and that is when I lose understanding. that they cannot see the slight changes necessary to make peace, that the would rather fill the entire place with negative energy and gloom and frustration until it smothers those of us- and i am the only one of us that i know- to whom frustration and gloom and negativity and misunderstanding are almost foreign, until we-I-are finally driven outside by it, where even with the snow and ice, it is warmer and more inviting than the atmosphere inside, fraught with misery and nerves and frustration and gloom.

AFTERNOTES-
1. please do not think that i am suddenly revealing a shockingly angry and destructive homelife. i'm not. these events are rare, usually happening only when everyone is sleep deprived and their patience is running thin. this applies as much if not more to choir, esp. the renaissance feaste and show choir.
2. if you read this, it is much more important to me that you try to understand others around you and see things through their eyes, rather than leaving a post of sympathy and sorryness. Although this doesn't mean don't post, keep in mind that the first is infinitely more important than the second.

Feliz Navidad! Веселое Рождество! Vrolijke Kerstmis! Frohe Weihnachten! Buon Natale! Joyeux Noël ! Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

I'm debating going into my philosophy on santa claus or recounting the events of the day....

we'll start with my day and see if we're up for philosophizing (is that a word?). emily got amy up at 4:30 am to go downstairs and open stockings (we open stockings, then wake up parents and open presents). i got to sleep because i don't share a room with her :). then at 6:00 they woke me up, and parents, so we went downstairs to open presents. most of the day was spent playing new games, looking for old games that would enable us to play new ones, playing old games, playing more new games, decorating cookies, and realizing we need a new video card for our new computer game to work. lots of games. and TWO sit down, family meals in one day. some kind of record there.

As for santa claus philosophy...i'll try, but i'm not sure how well this will go, i've only really half thought it out myself. i think i always had a different kind of santa pictured in my mind than most kids (one more suited to the meaning of christmas in my opinion, but getting there). the picture of a guy in a jolly red suit, with flying reindeer...i never could really picture that as real (although i admit to throwing celery on the roof for those reindeer). i always knew the mall santas were fake, and i knew early on who was eating the cookies and milk and who was writing the letters from santa. i knew the "santa tracker" online was not really tracking santa. that is not to say i didn't believe in santa, far from it. i believed in santa longer than most people, because i really wanted to believe he was real. i took much heart from the dear virginia letter, which i still think is one of the best christmas stories in and of itself (the editorial in the enquirer was touching, but just not the same caliber and innocence...it didn't sound like it believed itself, really.) when i saw polar express, i almost cried, i really wanted to hear that bell. but the santa i believed in-and still do, when it comes right down to it- isn't the jolly red santa claus invented by coca cola. he's much closer to st. nicholas. what i'm about to say could be read the wrong way, but i'll say it anyway. I thought/think santa was kind of like God. Not in the way that i worshipped him, but in the way that Santa was a...prophet's not hte right word...mriacle worker? that God acted through. And he might not have hundreds of elves making tickle me elmos for spoiled children, but that simple gifts and gestures miraculously appeared for the poorest of children on Christmas morning. Strange, sure, and i've no idea where i got such a notion, but i much prefer it to the coca cola's santa, who in my opinion could be seen as the symbol of commercial christmas, whereas mine, i think, remains truer to what should be the true spirit of Christmas. And by now I may not be making any sense at all, so I'll end here.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a good night!

And for those curious, the order of the languages in the title is Spanish, Russian, Dutch, German, Italian, French, and English.

We could learn a lot from crayons: some are short, some are tall, and all are different colors, yet they all live peacefully in the same box.

Letter to Santa

Dear Santa Claus,
Do you remember me?
I sat upon your knee
And spoke to you of childhood fantasies.
Well I'm all grown up now,
But still need help somehow
I'm not a child
But my heart still can dream.
So here's my life long wish-
My grown up Christmas list-
Not for myself,
But for a world in need.
No more lives torn apart,
That wars would never start,
And time would heal the heart.
Every one would have a friend,
That right would always win,
And love would never end,
This is my grown up Christmas list.
May kindness rule our lives,
Not just the strong survive,
Sweet tears for the thousand years gone by.
This is the world I pray
We will share someday
Help me begin by reaching out my hand.
No more lives torn apart,
That wars would never start,
And time would heal the heart.
Every one would have a friend,
That right would always win,
And love would never end,
This is my grown up Christmas list.
What is this illusion called
This innocence of youth?
Maybe only in our blind belief
Can we ever find the truth.
No more lives torn apart,
That wars would never start,
And time would heal the heart.
Every one would have a friend,
That right would always win,
And love would never end,
This is my grown up Christmas list.
This is the year I hope you hear
This is my grown up Christmas List.
Christmas List...
Yours,
Sarah

(words from the song A Grown Up Christmas List by Monica)

The Best Day of 2005: July 16, by far

This is going to be a looooooooooooooooooooong post, so i'll get started. three topics today, but i think i'll save the best for last, or else i'll go on about it forever.

Okay, analysis of renaissance feast we cannot truly invent a kindness invention, cooperation invention, listening invention, or any other of those wonderful inventions we dreamed of on saturday, it's important to figure out how to get rid of all the STRESS associated with this concert.
1. better system for costumes, etc.
2. students listening to mrs. barton and not contradicting her
3. more organization and listening
4. and okay i'm tired of analyzing already. that was a stressful and frustrating day for everyone, and even though i didn't get too frustrated (i've decided i'm the most mellow person in choir, possibly the world) there is lots of negative energy there, and i want to get to my happy news.

Next up is work today. (not quite happy news yet). I was scheduled to work 2.30-10.30 today. Usually when I work that shift, i get one to two hours of down time, because everything dies down at night, and even during the day you get a decent amount of down time. The difference today is that they are forecasting a snowstorm for tonight. Now, those reading from Alaska or Siberia or Antarctica may not realize how this is relevant. The people in the tristate, for some reason, are terribly, horrible, completely, absolutely, one hundred percent terrified of any amount of snow. EVERYONE flocks to the stores to stock up on bread and milk. I said earlier i usually get one to two hours of down time, aside from breaks. Today, I literally had two MINUTES, tops. there was always a line. it was incredible, even at 10.30 at night, there were over a dozen people in line at various registers. i knew people in the area were known for taking snow extremely seriously (sometimes too much so) i'd never actually seen it before. we were absolutely mobbed. i'm glad i'm home.

Ha, now i get to share the best news of the century (since February of '03, at least). THERE IS A RELEASE DATE FOR HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF BLOOD PRINCE (for all you who don't follow harry potter as closely as i do, for some reason, or worse, don't even read it [gasp], that's the sixth book [of the seven book series]). Hee heee heee, i'm happy. I'm ecstaticl. JKR wrote this one a year faster than book five (evident in the fact that instead of screaming, shouting, and hyperventilating when i found out, i simply flew down the stairs in disbelief).


oh, you want to know what the date is? ;-) It's July 16, of course. what else would the title of this entry be referring to?



"Because that's what Hermione does. When in doubt, go to the library."

"One day, you'll read Hogwarts A History, and maybe that will remind you that you CAN'T apparate or disapparate within Hogwarts."
"Alas, earwax."
"I should've made my meaning clearer. I meant all tests set by a competent teacher."
"Jordan, are you being paid to advertise firebolts?! Get on with the commentary!"
"She seemed to think I cared more about winning the match than your life. Honestly, just because I said i didn't care if the broom bucked you off as long as you caught the snitch first..."
"Give her hell from us, Peeves."

Let it snow, Let it snow, Let it snow Snow SNOW

I'm happy, our computer has been fixed and i can post from home now. but brrr...i can't type very well because my fingers are cold. that's okay though. it's allowed to be cold now, because it snowed, finally. yay! i love snow. it even stuck to the ground. not much, and most of it melted, but there's still a bit there. and i think i heard on the radio that we're supposed to get Moderate snowfall saturday-sunday. i was half asleep, so i'm not positive, but i'm pretty sure that's what i heard, and it makes me happy. i love the snow, it's so pretty and soft and white and pure and it tastes good, too! but only one of my five good friends likes the snow. actually, i'm not sure whether phyl likes the snow or not. abby has a good reason for not liking it, and she still admits it's pretty, but krystal and miles hate it for no good reason. they tell me i'll hate it too once i start driving, but rachel drives and she loves snow as much as me. now, i will be very upset if we get all this snow and then it starts raining again the week before christmas and ruins the idea of a white christmas. but there's no indication, as far as i've heard, that it will warm up soon, and...wow, i just realized christmas is next saturday. okay then, it's almost definitely not going to rain before christmas, and i really need to go christmas shopping. let's see, i've already got my friends done, so it's safe to post my list on here, it's just family and teacher left.

DONE

Begley-pink tee
Rachel-frog balloon
Phyl-elmo figurine
Miles-candy
Krystal-mismatched socks
Abby- oh, wait, i can't say because she hasn't gotten it yet
Mom- candle
Grandma B- pb cookies
Grandpa B- peanut brittle

TO DO

Amy- exchange sweatshirt
Emily-?
Dad-?
Grandma M- make auto visor clip
Barton- basket of anti-stress stuff
Jen-?

okay then, i need to visit the mall and the dollar store. i'll be quiet and go examine the calendar now...


~Shoot for the moon, even if you miss, you'll land among the stars.~

FINALS are FINALLY over FREEDOM is FREEDOMLY here

i feel so free.....i just took my last final exam, and it was much easier than i expected, so now i have nothing to do except work on my begley story and scholarship/college stuff while i wait for college to start again in january. aah, such a good feeling. i can finally write and such again without feeling guilty because i should be studying or working on essays. aah, i'm happy. and i got my PSAT results back, and i did really really good on that (would have done better, but math is stupid)....oh wait, that reminds me that i'm taking the ACT tomorrow morning. okay, so i'm not quite free yet, but i don't get all worried about standardized tests. they don't affect my grades at all and it's only my junior year so i have plenty of time to take it over again if i do bad. actually, as much as i hate standardized tests, they can be almost relaxing if you approach them the right way.


you can all stop looking at me like i'm crazy any time now.


i still do have to wake up in the morning for choir, though, and i have show choir in the afternoons, but that's all right. and show choir's going pretty good this year, surprisingly. i only wish we could grasp the concept of moving on before we perfect the previous dance moves. i've been practicing what we know of ABC and Mountain Music, and i really wish i knew at least the rest of ABC so i could put it all together. oh, and i get to be in charge for the first time on monday. barton wants to do a personality test that we learned at the group dynamics workshop at show choir camp (we as in me and barton learned it, because april and krystal were at different workshops then). exciting stuff. that reminds me i have to email barton and tell her that my mom can't make copies of it, but i figured out a way to do it without copies...

there was something actually meaningful that i had gotten the idea to write about a few days ago, but now i can't remember what it was......

oh yeah. the mean voice inside my head. believe it or not (i'm sure some people won't) there's this voice inside my head that thinks extremely mean things about people. that voice never gets anywhere near actually speaking, except in the rare case of truly wicked people, (ie the evil lady at krogers), because usually it's judgemental and not true and...mean. i yell at it (mentally) every time it thinks something, but it hasn't gone away completely yet. now, not to excuse said voice by any means, but i think i figured out a partial explanation for why it's there. i read interviews of authors a lot, and one of the things they talk about is how they knew they liked to write/were a good writer (stick with me here, i'm not as off topic as i seem). one thing that came up a lot is that they were good at telling stories out loud. now, i'm not very good at telling stories out loud, usually because i crack up laughing half way through (i even started laughing relating the story of how amy almost died, but that's rachel's fault because of how she reacted, anyway), so it would alwasy disappoint me to read that. but a few people mentioned that they liked to write because they were fascinated by people, and thats where i fit in, with the mean voice inside my head (see, i wasn't off topic). i wonder about people, and the mean voice in my head, whether or not what it says is true, sets off further wonderings. using the evil lady from krogers as an example again, i wonder why she's so mean, and if she was ever a sweet little girl, and what happened in her life that changed her so dramatically from a sweet little girl to an evil old lady (or a walking corpse, as one of my coworkers insists). i look at all the middle aged people working at kroger and fast food places and dead end jobs, and i wonder what they wanted to be when they were kids, and if they still dream of being that. i especially wonder that about james, our perfect cashier. it seems to me, at least, that he could do anything he wanted. i think that every person has a story, is a story, but since i know very few people's actual stories, the mean voice in my head helps me make them up. not by making everyone evil, but by starting my wondering process.

okay, deep thought time is over for today.

oh, and i think i mentioned this before, but from now until january, my only access to a computer whose posting page works properly will be very sporadically through the library computer, so december will probably be a month of few posts. if i go through any emotional crisis (unlikely, but you never know), i'll write them down and then upload them when i get to a working computer. but, like i said, i have to go email barton, so i'll be quiet.

Be who you want to be, not who people want to see.

Too Much Free Time Can Be Hazardous To Your Health

me and rachel didn't have english class today, which meant that we had an extra hour between high school and college with nothing to do. we decided to go out to breakfast, so we went to Frisch's (also known as Big Boy, if you live in michigan). I grabbed two coloring sheets on the way in, so we could color while we waited for our food. while coloring, rachel realized we needed a red crayon, so she went around to the three other booths in our section raiding their cups of crayons. the waitress came back with our food and saw that rachel had been searching for a certain color of crayon. she looked at the crayons we had, saw we had no yellow crayon, and went and brought us back two yellow crayons. we just laughed. here we were, two high schoolers, and the waitress is bringing us crayons. it was rather sad. After we finished eating, we continued coloring, because it wasn't even 10:00 yet. rachel decided it was time to go when i became amazed by the realization that big boy was holding a hat, not a helmet, in the picture, which made it make so much more sense.

The ride to the college passed uneventfully until we were almost to the driveway and i said that i'd always wondered what was past the college, because it seemed like the road just led to the middle of nowhere for forever. rachel responded with "okay, lets go see" because we still had over a half an hour left to kill. it turns out the road just went a little bit further, and it leads to some more apartmenst and a development center of some sort.

Then we finally arrived in the college parking lot, now having a little less than a half hour left. rachel turned off the car and we just sat there, not wanting to go to college today. rachel realized she had parked between two parking spaces instead of in one, so she reparked. then we just sat, and i watched her poke the steering wheel with her keys as we wondered what would happen if she made the airbag explode by doing that. after about ten minutes, we realized we had to go inside, because we would go insane if we stayed in that car any longer.

And......that's all. my class lasted a whole six minutes, so i'm bored now, but i should go check my email or something, so i'll be quiet.

Save a tree, eat a beaver.

Sweet Little Kids Day

WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS EXTREME FLUFF AND GUSHING. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

You know how people make up holidays for the strangest things these days? today must be Sweet Little Kids Day. At least it seems that way to me. It started when i went over to the little kids school to tutor Chrissy, this sweet little first grade girl, because i'm her reading tutor. I hadn't been able to make it the week before (braces appt, fun) and i hadn't told her beforehand because i didn't know/forgot (i'm not sure which one, really) so i had sent her a card explaining why i wasn't there and wishing her a happy thanksgiving (it was actually my mom's idea, technically). so today i walked into the classroom and i said i was there for chrissy and she jumped up, came over to me, and gave me a hug, and asked me if i was the one that sent her the card. then at some point during our half hour, she told me "i like you". now, little kids are the only ones who can get away with saying that and being sweet and cute. anyone older than elementary age does that, you look at them funny and back away because by then everyone hides their feelings and such blunt statements of affection are not allowed. but back to the sweet little kids. okay, so Chrissy was sweet. then when several sweet little kids came through my register at krogers (where i worked for eight hours today, joy). i'm not sure i can remember all of them, but lets see. there were one or two babies, they're always sweet. then there was a brother and sister, i think the sister was a little bit older, maybe 4 and 6, 5 and 7, something like that, but they were both so polite. the little girl asked if she could please have a sticker, and her brother got one too, and then the brother said thank you (so did the sister) and then he said thank you again (i think he was showing off to his mom about his good manners). they weren't complete angels, though, they were both a bit hyper (they had been bagging, but when i gave them stickers, their mom told them their job was to hold their stickers and stay out of the way). near the end, i had a girl about 8, maybe who wanted to get a baby bottle pop, and she went to give it to me, but the lady ahead of her still had to pay. so she set it down and literally started jumping up and down. not huge jumps, just little hops, but it was just over and over and over again, like she was on a trampoline (mind you, this is about 9:00 at night). you just had to laugh, watching her. and i gave her a sticker. oh yeah, and then there was a little boy, maybe 4, who was sleeping in the cart, and the way he was sprawled out on the cart and lying so still, i thought he was a scarecrow or something when i glanced him at first. but he looked just adorable, because all little kids look angelic when they sleep, with his long dark eyelashes and his little hand curled up in a semi fist....awwww....

okay, i'm done gushing about sweet little kids, I'll be quiet now.

Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright before you hear them speak.

Boredom, Begley, Birthdays

I'm bored. I'm sitting here in the college library (not the computer lab, because here i can drink my free tea and eat my free chex mix that i got from the "holiday party" downstairs...actually, i think it might be crispix mix...anyway) waiting for rachel to get out of spanish class so i can go to show choir. i wonder if she's presented the skit she hasn't memorized yet. hmm. i could be doing my math homework, because i'm about a chapter and a half behind and it's due friday if i want the extra credit. i could be studying for my math exam on friday, because even though its open book and open note, our professor didn't give us the answers already the way rachel's professor did. but i can't really do either of those things because i didn't bring my book with me (although the library probably has a copy, now that i think of it...but that's too much work). i could study for my chemistry quiz tomorrow, but i pretty much remember the orbitals and quantum numbers and shells and subshells from high school chemistry, and i don't really need this quiz grade anyway, because i already have five good quiz scores and he only takes our five highest. i could study for my history final exam on monday, but i don't have my history book with me. i could study for my chemistry final exam, but that's not till next friday. so now that i've knocked out all those options, checked my email, checked deviantart, and checked my friends' blogs...i'm bored.

hang on, i'd just thought of something semi-meaningful i could write, and now i lost it....

oh! me and rachel get to go visit begley on tuesday! yay! i sent him two emails asking him when we could come, both of which were blocked by little miami's extremely finicky virus software, so then i sent him a third one that basically warned that we would have to pick a random day to spontaneously visit then, so he could get his christmas present, because he ws getting it, like it or not. he replied, very confused, What are you talking about? When do you want to visit? me and rachel laughed, and then, because i'm such a nice person, i explained it to him, and he wrote back and said we could come on tuesday. so we get to go give him a new keystrap and a "tough guys wear pink" tshirt (if you haven't seen one before, it's a hot pink t shirt with the words, tough guys wear pink written on it in black)...hahahahahahahaha...if you don't understand what's so funny about a keystrap and a pink tshirt, say so and i'll clarify, but i think everyone reading this knows already.

i still have twenty minutes to kill before rachel comes back....oh, i was going to make my algebra professor a birthday card. he has an english accent, so he deserves one. i think i'll go get more tea and popcorn too, so i'll be quiet now.

There are two ways of spreading light: be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.

To Do List

There may end up being a three week break in my blog because i just discovered that i can't post at home, there's a problem with it on my computer. Hopefully it was just a one day thing, but if not, i can only post at school, and school lets out next week until january third. Yay, in a week and a half final exams will be over. That will take about three things off my to do list. I finally wrote everything down on my to do list, because they were all in my head and i kept thinking of them at inconvenient times and it would just keep bothering me and making me anxious, so this is my to do list.

• Call driving school
• Do laundry
• Clean room
• Order contacts
• Get stamp for envelope
• English portfolio
• History Paper
• Lab report
• Rennaisance costume
• Christmas shopping

That's just what i remember of it, because it's at home and i'm at school (otherwise, i couldn't be posting). However, I've already finished my history paper and my lab report. And two days ago I called the driving school. (I'll pause now while those who know me recover from fainting....Everyone back? Alright then). I was going to go christmas shopping saturday, after upward bound, but we're going to the lebanon horse parade when i get home. And my chemistry class starts in ten minutes, so i'll be quiet now.

I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.