Smart Aleck Entry

I decided it was time for a smart aleck entry, just for fun. These are mostly about work. Okay, they're all about work.

Modern mushrooms. Why are they called Modern mushrooms? How are they different, as opposed to traditional mushrooms? I don't see any difference. Oh wait! I do believe they're smaller than the other mushrooms. And as we all know, modern boom boxes are smaller. modern computers are smaller. modern cell phones are smaller. i believe i see a trend here.

Price confusion. Whenever a customer says a price is different from what the computer says, this is the failproof solution: you should stare, slightly puzzled, at the object in question, glancing confusedly at the receipt a few times. As we all know, by staring at the object in question, it will reveal its true price to you, in such a way that even the customer shall not question it. This is why this is the automatic response of all cashiers to such a problem.

Pricing arguments. This is not to be confused with the previous entry. Here, we are referring to the produce section, and whether items should be priced by weight or quantity. As everyone should know, this is decided long before the customer reaches the checkout lane, by a person far removed from the cashier, who has no control over what this person instructed the computer to do (it is a common misconception that cashiers can control their cash registers. this is far from true- we have very unruly computers with very independent personalities). And since everyone knows this, no one would ever dream of arguing with the cashier about how because the heads of lettuce are different sizes (imagine that) they should be weighed instead of counted. this really puts both the cashier and the customer in a horrible position- the cashier is forced to admit she has no control over her computer and the customer holds up the line and is revealed to be rude and stubborn and impatient and- ultimately- wrong.


If sarcasm is a form of speech, it is an art. Therefore, I am an artiste.