Writer's Wing

sorry

2005-09-29T10:14:00.000-07:00

i could have sworn i posted this already. but anyway, i haven't died, i have switched to a xanga, found here: www.xanga.com/saraikristi
sorry.

conceding defeat

2005-09-20T19:52:00.000-07:00

alright, i'm horrible, i know, but i am now completely transferred over to xanga. sorry all. see me here: www.xanga.com/saraikristi

and the first people to sing the star spangled banner were...the eagles!

2005-09-01T19:46:00.000-07:00

hmm. i've realized that the voices arguing in my head about colleges are actually more annoying than my parents, because i know my parents are cool with anywhere i decide to go. its the little voices in my head that are agravating, going back and forth- 'harvard, for free!' 'but does it really have what you want?' 'but its harvard! for free!' yah. getting ahead of myself a bit though, i haven't even applied yet.
today was an interesting day at work. those of you who have been following my blog for a while will remember my famous celebrity look a like phase. well today, bob huggins really did come into kroger. i was standing right next to him apparently, and didn't realize it. what was really funny was i was outside on my break a couple minutes after he left and cory came up. he's going to uc and is a big fan. and brenda told him he just missed bob huggins . he was like, are you serious? and he asked how long ago he left, and we told him it was just five minutes and he got upset. apparently he's seen huggins a couple other times, cuz he comes in sporadically, but he said he wouldve given him a hug, even if he'd ended up getting sued for sexual assault or something. otherwise it was a typical, long day at work. oh wait, it wasn't quite. garret (my sis's boyfriend) came in, which was interesting i said hi, and he said hi, and then we were like, yeah... after he left, cody, one of the baggers i haven't talked to much, came up and asked me if i was amy's sister, and i said i was, and it turned out he was garrets step brother. and then don was talking with me and cody about vampires, and how hes going to start a crystal methodist church that makes sacrifices to the great vampire in the sky. all kidding, because thats just how don is. he comes up with such random topics all the time, which some people think is just strange, but i like him, i think he's funny. reminds me a bit of corey , actually.
what else... prince of egypt has been stuck in my head all day. second period gets to do the song let the river run, which i absolutely love, and i'm jealous. transcripts have been indefinitely postponed, which makes me sad. oh, i realized that when i start driving a lot, back and forth to college, i will also start working less, because i'm only available TFSS, because of night classes, so i will have less money, and all of it will probably have to go towards gas. did i mention how the radio made the prediction it will hit 5 bux around us? in lousiana its already around 6. i feel so bad for those people, the victims of katrina. i heard just after it happened some political figure had described it as 'our tsunami' and i thought they were exagerating, but really, entire cities have been wiped out. entire cities. i haven't seen pictures, i've just been hearing about it, because i don't like watching the tv news for various reasons, and we don't get the paper during the week, but just thinking about it is incomprehensible. entire cities, just gone. and they're talking about rebuilding, but how long will that take? can you imagine how long it would take to rebuild a city? it takes long enough to rebuild a single house, but an entire city? i keep thinking of atlantis. i know these cities aren't entirely underwater, and they're not gone forever, but they have been completely wiped out, for the moment. its horrible. and besides that damage, there's thousands dead....
to change back to a more happy topic, my room is completely clean and organized, but for my closet. tackling my closet will take over every inch of space with piles and such, so i'm enjoying my clean room for a couple days before i do that. but seriously- bookshelves, dresser drawers, desk, under the bed, chair, desk drawers, corner in front of the closet, jewelry boxes.... all clean and organized. i'm very proud.

It takes a long time to grow young.

Book My Flight On the Second Star to the Right.

2005-08-31T21:39:00.000-07:00

Those of you with xangas, i now have a xanga account- saraikristi . i'm just going to copy entries to both.
I knew it, i knew i shouldn’t have told my mom about that harvard deal. Because she got all excited and she told my dad, and now my dad told my grandpa, and at the moment they are discussing my extracurriculars and different awards. Gaa. And i’ve always been planning on applying there, at least, just to see if i’d be accepted, but i’m not sure i’d want to actually go there or not. Even with this new financial deal...i’m not sure. But if i do get accepted, with everyone all excited about this new deal thingie, esp if its what it sounds like, it’ll be a lot of pressure. I mean, the little money concerned voice in my head would be pressure enough, i don’t need everyone elses voices to add to it. Speaking of financial stuff, i need to go look more closely at the scholarships i pulled off of fastweb and start working on them. Or at least go finish organizing my room, which i’ve actually made pretty fair progress on. Both those would involve going upstairs though, and listening to my dad discuss my college application resume with my grandpa, which i don’t feel like listening to.
Really i haven’t been doing much lately. Pretty much i’ve just been working on organizing my college and scholarship stuff, and my room in general. I’ve got my list of colleges down to 17 that i’m looking at now, isn’t that good news. Oh, and we all (me phyl rachel krystal miles) went out to breakfast at ihop the other day, like we did last year. We even had the same waiter. It was a bit freaky, actually, we were even at the same table. I think the only difference was that phyl drove everyone this time, and we ordered (slightly) diffferent foods. But speaking of driving, i’m going to rant about gas prices for a few sentences. Up until now, the worst jump in price i’d seen was 26 cents in a five hour time period at the gas station near the college, and the worst price i’d seen was 2.99 at a gas station in yellowstone. Today, the gas station right by my house went from 2.53 to 3.09 in TWO hours. Fifty six cents in two hours. I know its because of the hurricane and all that, but really. I had avoided seeing a 3 in the dollar spot until now. Even in yellowstone, although it was only one tenth of a cent off of three dollars, it didn’t have a three there. I’d hate to see what gas costs are there now. And to switch from gas back to driving, i take my test on sept. 13, so i should have my license very soon, and before college starts. Wish me luck, and i’ll pray i don’t knock the stupid cones over, even tho they deserve it.
And i think people are getting happier again, which is a good thing. For a day or two, it seemed like almost all my friends were broken. Honestly, i haven’t talked to any party from two of the three broken couples that were making me sad, but miles and krystal seem happier for now, which is a great thing. And i actually have got a poem about this at my gallery, if anyone would care to look- book my flight is the title. And.....i think i’m about done now.

You be quiet, I’ll be right.

I Sound Like a Prep...

2005-08-29T22:29:00.000-07:00

i'm still alive, really, don't hurt me! okay, i know i have a month to catch up on pretty much, so i'm either going to leave a lot out or make this really long or both. so we'll start with michigan. on the way to michigan i finally got my digital camera- *BIG GRIN*. heehee, its fun. the week i was in MI i was going through four batteries a day pretty much, i was playing so much. i've got cute pics of my uncles puppies up at my gallery. and theres many more coming of sunsets and beaches and mountains and wildlife.........but i'm getting ahead of myself. yah, not much interesting happened in MI. bridal shower, family reunion, etc etc. came home about 11 pm, left again for the airport for idaho at about 5 am. little earlier actually. so now about my two weeks in ID......

we went camping, had horseback riding lessons, half hour trail ride. saw bison, antelope, moose and elk all in picturesque settings in a single day. while i'm on wildlife also saw a coyote really close, wolves and a bear through a spotting scope really far away, bald eagles, lots of birds, a zillion bison, a few more random moose and elk, a marmet and picca (sp?), and more. my aunt declared me a wildlife charm. said she saw more with me in two weeks than all year. anyway, back to events. went kayaking, backpacking, horseback riding again- 2 hour trail ride this time- canoeing/bear tracking, hiking, more camping, exploring yellowstone, and best best best of all- PARAGLIDING!!!!!! that was awesomeness.

thats idaho in a nutshell, too tired to do more than that. since coming home- school started, went back to work. let them know i wasnt dead, all that. hadn't quit. not as many new people as i'd thought there be, but i might just not have worked with them yet.couple new procedures though. school wise, as i've already posted, bartons gone. new news on that- teacher is mrs. hansford. i'm not sure how other people feel about her exactly, i think we're all kind of afraid still of somehow offending mrs barton by liking hansford to much, but i'm getting really excited about this year. she knows what mrs. b was trying to do with the choir programs, and shes promised to build on that, not backtrack or tear it down. and she has something mrs. b doesnt...discipline maybe, because she doesn't love us too much to discipline us, which i always thought was a bit of a problem for mrs. b, bless her, was that she loved us too much. and she seems more organized, which could be a good thing. on top of that, 1st period is 27 people big, with- get this- FOUR guys. to non choir people this sounds like nothing, i know, but its really incredibly monumental. 2nd period i'm not commenting on, i dont think they've changed much. if so, i think its worse. and shes KEEPING show choir. didn't have to send nasty letters to the board of ed to keep funding after all. history is fine, although i realized theres people in my class i haven't seen since middle school practically. actually, i really haven't seen danny or adam except for maybe a couple glances since 6th grade. i hadn't realized how long i'd been away from regular classes. last news-we get our transcripts on thursday. its scary how much that excites me, but eh, thats who i am. course, strathern already warned us that the computers might not cooperate with said date. that would make me very sad. i really want to see how pseo classes translate onto our high school transcripts. anyway, i think i'm caught up now, at least in general. oh, and theres a couple new poems at my gallery as well, and there will be plenty more pictures coming, believe me.

It will be a wonderful day when our schools have all the money they need and the airforce has to hold a bake sale to buy a bomber.

maybe tomorrow

2005-07-30T20:43:00.000-07:00

hello again. i have returned from chicago and have a few days yet before i must go sprinting off again. i'm really way too busy this summer, its flown by. like, i haven't even bothered to start a back to school countdown yet. usually by the middle of july i'm counting down days and haunting back to school supply sections. i haven't gone completely unaffected by the scent of new notebooks, though. i passed by the back to school sections in target and kroger today, and i now have an irresistable urge to completely organize my room. everything- closet, desk, dresser, under the bed, bookshelves...crazy talk, as many of you know, because it would take weeks to do all that, and i leave again on wednesday. before i leave, though, i suppose i should write some about chicago, shouldn't i? well, i'm not one for big cities in general- too big, noisy, and confusing for my taste- but chicago was beautiful, and if i was going to live in a city, i'd live there in a heartbeat. plus, it has lake michigan. my favorite spot was the bare stretch of marina between the planetarium and the aquarium, where you can look across and see the skyline, and see lake michigan stretching forever as well. the edge of the world, as abby says. the entire trip is a blur, we did so much so fast, but i'll see what i can remember off hand. the blue man show, thats first thing i remember after that marina. they were absolutely awesome. they were kind of like stomp, only they acted like mimes and made each number into a little comedy skit. they were really big on audience participation, too, and it was just a blast. and we got to see a dolphin show at the aquarium, and beluga whales. the planetarium wasn't too exciting really. the omnimax show there was actually disappointing, to tell the truth, although the preshow interactive screen thingie was good times. we toured chicago in good weather by a boat down the river, and also by bus during downtown traffic in the rain (the ferry tour was more enjoyable and more informative and interesting). we went up sears tower, pretty views. we stopped at a thousand and one gift shops, maybe more. when we went to navy pier, me devan, abby, jessica, and katie all walked down to a beach, which was really neat. it was a small beach but it formed a ninety degree angle with the city, so that immediately on your left is the beautiful chicago skyline and stretching forever in front of you is lake michigan. we went to a mcdonalds of the future- other than decorations and size, nothing was different from your mcdonalds of the present except everything was about twice as expensive- five bux for a kids meal, almost! museum of science and industry was nice, we played video games and bought grow-your-own corn out of one of those quarter machines. oh, and we 'drove' a tractor. that should cover most everything, i believe. tour, musuem, planetarium, marina, aquarium, tower, blue man, beach, navy pier, ferry tour...yep, i think i covered everything.

Philosophy is the talk on the cereal box, religion is the smile on the dog.

neunundneunzehg luftballons

2005-07-23T23:08:00.000-07:00

well, today was an interesting day at work. apparently, our ice machine was leaking water, and we had an older lady slip and fall. at first i was afraid she'd broken something, but the worst of it, i think, was that she'd hit her head and she had a cut around her eye from her glasses that was bleeding pretty badly. they called an ambulance, though, just to be safe, and everyone was gawking and staring and asking what happened.

thursday night was our summer academy presentation for upward bound. since our theme all summer has been the science of art, our presentation was 'a night at a german kaffehouse' (and i know i spelled that wrong). we all got to dress in black and be beatniks, and it was quite fun. and then melinda and her tech whiz brother had put together slideshows of pictures of us spliced with music videos, so me and abby and brij and karma and jesse and a few others were all dancing on the sides of the room and having a good time. and then we did a singalong to the 80s song 99 luftballons by nena, in original german, and it was fun, but sad also, because me and abby decided the song was dedicated to dieter, our german teacher, because we might not ever see him again, as he's not coming to chicago. he hadn't realized that yet, when we pointed it out to him, and he seemed to be in denial of that fact, and said he'd visit during saturday academys.

and i am still slowly posting mexico posts, i've got the first three up now.

ninetynine dreams i have had, in everyone a red balloon. its all over and i'm standing pretty, in this dust that was a city. if i could find a souveneir, just to prove the world was here...and here is a red balloon, i think of you and let it go.

Now Two of My Graduation Tickets are Promised Away

2005-07-14T19:32:00.000-07:00

I just found out that Mrs. B is transferring to Wyoming School District. *tears* for me, at least, choir was mrs. b and mrs b was choir and its going to be so different now. and theres a chance, and it might be a good one at that, that the school board will hire someone to teach just choir and drop show choir, and they can't do that, not now that we finally got our show choir working right. and if we do have a show choir i know it will be run completely differently, and that could be a good thing, but it will be different, and i didn't want this much change for my senior year. and i don't know if i can convince abby to be in show choir if mrs. b isn't going to be the director, and mrs b wont be the one at music awards night giving us seniors dr seuss books and crying for us and even if the new choir teacher is wonderful it won't be the same because she still won't know us and love us as much as mrs b did. what is wrong with our school district that teachers who care for us and love us as much as mr begley and mrs barton did and do are being offered such good offers that they simply cant refuse them? whatever it is, it needs to be fixed, because i cant picture anyone teaching choir but mrs b, i just cant. and i know its too late now, but i dont care. and we wont just be able to talk to this new choir teacher, because she won't really know us yet, and that kind of repertoire won't be established for several months, and we won't be able to convince her to do the songs we want for show choir, or maybe we will, i don't know, but right now it feels like we won't. because i know mrs b. probably would have seriously considered rainbow connection and break away to fit into her theme of dreams for this year, at least would have considered break away, but now we very likely won't even have the theme of dreams, and i don't know, everythings all messed up.

*breathe*

but, it's not like i'm never going to see her again. i'm going up to the sca performance on saturday, where i will see her, and shes trying to arange a saturday for us (not sure who all is included in that, but probly several first period kids at least) to get together, and we can vist her at wyoming the same way we do begley at little miami, although i'm pretty sure wyoming is further away. but it isn't the end of the world, it really isn't. and it could turn out to be a good change for the choir program. and she is coming to our graduation, no matter what. but we really need to do something to keep the other districts from taking away all of our good teachers, because thats what they're doing.

"100 years from now, it wont matter how much you made, what kind of car you drove, what sort of house you lived in. But, 100 years from now, the world will be a better place because you made a difference in the life of a child!"

Dorothy has returned from OZ

2005-07-14T17:43:00.000-07:00

okay, many of you may be thinking i have abandoned my blog, because i don't think i talked much about my trip on here, but i have just returned from a mission trip to mexico. (33 hours in a van. what fun) actually though, it was awesome, but instead of one reaaaaaaaaaaallllllly long post, i kept a journal while i was down there, and i'm just going to post each one under the date i wrote it, so all entries from july 5 to today are actually new. make sense? good. it might take a while, becuase i wrote a lot and i'm tired, but i'll do my best.

God is a good god, he is a great god, he can do anything but fail. he can move any mountain out of your way (out of your way), our god is a wonderful god.

Mexican Elephants and Coca Cola Engagement Rings

2005-07-08T23:02:00.000-07:00

Its too early. Ok, anyway, more about yesterday. if i like skip around a lot, firgive me, theres a lot of little details i want to mention and they may be out of order. yesterday we started off with a tour of piedras negras. two things really stuck with me from that. one, the city isn't an endless sea of poverty. there are plenty of middle and upper class families, with nice cars, houses, and grass (grass is really really hard to grow in mexico). but on the other hand, two, going up on a hill in the government housing section and looking back and seeing government housing as far as you could see in what seemed like every direction. what else about yesterday? so much happened, its hard to remember it all. it feels like weve been here a lot longer than two nights. then after dinner, we walked all around their walmart equivalent, which was called...i forget. and i had my first true spanish exchange, when i bought an ice cream cone. they put chocolate syrup on my cone, which made it very messy. not sure if they usually do that or just misunderstood what i was asking. tori and gabby just came back from their home visit.
-Later-
okay, onto today, because so much is happening i cant remember anything that happened over, like, ten hours ago. so today we went to a river for worship and swimming. it was so amazingly awesome. i mean, i swam in a river in mexico. how cool is that? it was really pretty around there too.
-Later-
wow. there is so much happening. i could use a pensieve. its one of those times where there are so many things happening that if you try to remember every single thing, you forget most of them, and lose the moment in trying to remember it. we had our festival today. we did our clown skit (we as in the nine of us from goshen) and then the tribute group did their show choir thing. they were so amazingly awesome. words cannot describe how awesome they were. the entire thing was in spanish, and they still brought tears to my eyes. it was so moving and just fantastic. and i'd say about fifty people were saved, which is great. and there was this adorable little girl, about four, whose name i don't remember, but i call yellow flower because there was one on her shirt. anyway, at one point, she actually got up on the risers and started trying to dance with them. then she came over and was giving me a high five, and then ten, and then i started teaching her patty cake. and she grabbed my fingers and twirled around. she nearly twisted my fingers off, but she was adorable. oh, and i remember somehting from small group at the river i wanted to write down. we were talking aabout gods purpose for us and how we learn from good and bad things that happen to us. i think that can be one of the biggest stumbling blocks in peoples faith, is that bad things happen to good people, and how can a loving god permit that? but god never said bad things only happen to bad people. if god allowed his own son, who never did anything wrong at all, to be crucified, then there's no reason we shouldn't have our own share of tribulation (cool word there) as well. the important thing is, god always has a greater purpose in store, even if we don't know what it is, and if we trust him, he will help us through.

My precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you

Squeakin Creaket

2005-07-07T22:56:00.000-07:00

Its still so nice here. its about seven in the morning, ten minutes till breakfast. it actually feels really nice out here. its going to get hot later, but now its about seventy with no humidity. last night we broke into groups of eight, and i'm very happy with my group. our leader is baret, and then we have me, gabby, megan, david, linda, cj, sam, and bob. i know gabby of course, and megan is the girl whose house we stayed at, and david i met last night, playing cards. we played egyptian ratscrew (which their church has developed the clever habit of shortening to ers) and a new game he taught us called shooter. last night we also had a very humorous demostration of the rules, and signed up for our 3 minute shower slots. i don't think i'll have too much trouble with that, but a lot of people will. mmm, breakfast smells good. it turns out that breakfast is pancakes sausage and such, lunch will be sandwiches, and only dinners will be authentic mexican food. this is a relief to my picky eater syndrome. actually, i had a cheese quesadilla last night, and it wasn't bad. it tasted like a grilled cheese. and now i think it is almost my color's breakfast time. i'll go read my devotional for today really quick. and i'll do that inside, becuase josh is chirping and all the people who've never heard it are obsessing again
-Later-
i feel better now. okay. well, we worked on our houses today. our house is mostly painting work, its been painted twice already, but hte colors didn't match right, so we have to paint the entire house. we used one bucket of paint fine, opened the second one, same number, all that, but guess what- it was a different color. me and betsy managed to finish all of our room in the original color, though. anyway, i got dragged into too many card games, and we didn't finish nertz until a couple minutes before lights out, so more later.

Better is one day in your courts, better is one day in your house, better is one day in your courts than thousands elsewhere, than thousands elsewhere.

Oh, You're The Clowns

2005-07-06T23:10:00.000-07:00

its hard to write on bumpy roads. its even harder because i just have a couple small pieces of paper that Tori gave me, as my notebook is in my luggage in the penske truck. right now our vans are all in one line (ducks in a row) and dwe're having quiet time for prayers and devotions, and i am suddenly struck by how cool all this is. i mean, we've got a hundred people all gathered together who love jesus all traveling to the same place for the same purpose, which is to spread the word of god. i don't know, it just kind of struck me how awesome that is. now people are starting to talk again, though, all our inide jokes- nananana, frosted flakes, your just jealous, quiet you... then every once in a while, something reminds me of a joke i have with someone back home- uneven pavement, D Lizard, finding nemo, nicht bless you, treble clef Gs, broken watches, i win, cute couple... i do miss everybody, but i don't think its so much that I'm homeick already, but that i know i'm nto going to see anyone for two weeks and i'm mising them in advance... if that makes any sense. if nicole was on time, abby and corey and bethy and kayla and the rest of em will be waiting for her to get her powerpoint of the day up. or they'll be headed to the computer lab. i'm glad on the way back we're driving straight thru without stopping overnight.
-Later-
okay, now we'er sitting on some side street in eagle pas, which is the town we're crosing the border in. we had to get off our van and on a bus, and now...we;re just sitting. we opened our last envelope a little bit before we got to eagle pa. we had to wrap someone from our van in duct tape. we wrapped josh. we didn't win, we actually did very badly, but we had a lot of fun. i got a headache from the heat and laughing o much, though. hey, we're moving. air is flowing thru the windows. ahh. i was able to buy a bottle of water and sit inside for a bit inbetween the van and the bu, though, so my headache is getting better. and we moved about five yards and now we're sitting again. i really hope we get across the border without problems and don't have to wait over ix hours like they did 2 years ago, according to megan. and we're really off this time, okay. alright, supposedly the bues get to go thru to the church although the trucks have to stay and be inventoried. however the next official we passed told us to park. and o we sit, sweltering. turns out we parked becuase if we just parked the trucks it would take them forever to get down here. having eighty of us wait with our stuff should speed them up a bit (its 80, not 100, because people on the first three vans didn't have to switch to buses and went straight to the church) o we're itting in the shade behind the buses. its actually not o bad. it is really hot, but theres hardly any humidity, theres some breeze, and like i said, its shade. boring though. i suppose i could always read over tori's shoulder- she borrowd HpatSS from me. and they should really wash these loading docks they're filthy. okay, i don't know when we got here, but its 6.00.
still here 6.30. we decided earlier today that sarahs shirt made her look like a firecracker popsicle, and now she's decided that my tiedied shirt makes me look like cotten candy.
its 7.00. i've been told by reliable sources (ie sarah) we'd been here since at least 5.00.
7.10 headed dback onto bues. I have now officially seen real palm trees. sadly, they do not wiggle. this place is so neat. its not what you would think of for mexico- ramshackle buildings, dirty, surly mexicans, etc. its this really tidy, sturdy little church, and everyone's really friendly. i mean, it feels like a real mision place, with a courtyard and playgroundand little kids and everything. well, thats because it is a real mision. i guess thats it then, that it all feels so real. but its after lights out and its hard to write in the dark, o details later.

do not let any unwholesome words come out of your mouth, but only what is useful for building others up, according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen (ephesians 4.29, hehe.)

Pillow Huggers Club

2005-07-05T20:47:00.000-07:00

Well, we're on our way to Mexico. Actually, to our hotel in Texas. And actually, we're not moving at all, we're sitting in an Applebees parking lot because the group we hooked up with an evansville thinsks that the 90 of them can walk into a crowded applebees without reservations. but I'm getting ahead of myself. The trip to evansville was fairly uneventful. i was riding in the PHiL family van, and they had enough chips to feed a couple armies. once we got there, their church was the size of two of our high schools, at least. we were on our way to the fireworks by 7.45 and the fireworks weren't supposed to start till 9.00. however, we stopped at a hardees on the way to the firworks, and it was officially the slowest hardees in the history of the world. then by 8.15 we were on our way again, but they were shooting fireworks off already because a storm was comng. it started pouring when the grand finale went off, but it was actually neat to watch with the ligthning, thunder, rain, wind, and fireworks all togehter. it was less cool when it was pouring rain on strange dark roads with tons of people and cars trying to leave at once. when it was juli'es turn to go some car came out of nowhere and slammed on its brakes right in front of us, and then the rude angry lady and her son thought we hit them, even though she could put her hand between the cars. anyway, we spent the night at different family's houses. me tori and ashley stayed with megan, and she had a really nice house. we left this morning a little after 5.30. we have eight different 12-15 passenger vans. us cool goshen kids get a van to ourselves, which is nice. its cool to watch the nine of vans going down the highway. every so often we open envelopes that have tasks for us to do.the first was to unscramble a bible verse, then we had window chalk to write our names on the windows (although we had to redo it at the next stop because we didn't realize the windows were tinted so you couldn't see it) and when we stopped for gas they gave us seven dollars- five dollars to give to someone not connected with our group to help get gas, and two dollars to buy someone who wasn't with our group a drink.the idea was to serve on the way down to mexico as well as on the actual mission. it was actually pretty nice to be able to surprise people like that. anyway, this most recent gas stop, which was also a dinner stop, they pulled into applebees. two big problems- Jal allotted only six dollars per meal. equally problematic, there were 90 of them, and they didn't call ahead, they just showed up. we smart goshen kids went to some fast food place. but were back on the road now, so so be it.

So here is what i want you to do. God helping you, take your ordinary, everyday lives, your eating, sleeping, working, walking around lives, and place them before God as an offering.

They're So CUTE!

2005-06-28T14:19:00.000-07:00

but I won' t jinx it this time by talking about it, so i'll just leave it at that.and this time its not onesided, so that just makes it even better. and abby agrees with me, so i'm not imagining things. but like i said, not jinxing this time, so no more on that.

so since i've posted, upward bound summer academy started. our theme this summer is the science of art, so its been awesome so far. we're doing neat designs and coloring every other day in math, which has resulted in much less actual math than usual, which is nice. we did start prep ACT work yesterday, but i got out of that since i took the ACT already and got a 32. and then german is always fun, because we have dieter (teacher guy). english we're doing poetry, and since we're the older class that already took the OGT, we don't have to analyze it and stuff like the other class does, we're just writing and reading and doing creative little excercizes. and in science, we're doing pointalized self portraits (where we drew our self portrait, influenced by another style of art [mines celtic] and color it using dots of magenta, cyan, and yellow) and then drawings of reflection refraction type stuff. and there are hearts. heh heh.

book buddies started at the library. my two girls are sweet, and they're decent readers and can think for themselves a bit. and corey's got it at the same time, so we play board games as a group together sometimes, especially with our second kids, who are sisters.

i started my internship at clermont county soil and water preservation. it looks like it'll be interesting. so far i've been working with the person who's in charge of education, and she has a bunch of kits that she lends out to teachers, and the teachers return them, and things are missing. so so far i've spent five and a half hours inventorying kits, but tomorrow i'm going out with her to collect bugs- sorry, macroinvertebrates- to replace the ones missing from one of the kits i inventoried.

i can't think of much else at the moment. oh, my mom came back from idaho, where she'd visited my aunt for a week, and the details of my trip out there in august have been hammered out. and i am really and truly getting my car this weekend. supposedly.

energy and persistence will conquer all things.

Injured in the Line of Scanning

2005-06-14T22:58:00.000-07:00

okay, I'm pretty worn out, on all levels, because on top of work and upward bound, i've spent the day listening and praying and thinking very hard, so this is going to be a very short entry, just so i don't forget things. what has been going on in my life:

upward bound started (yay!)
book buddies started (yay!)
celebrated my birthday (yay!)
got a paper cut from a piece of cardboard (ow!)
got flowers (love you)
got a watch (yay!)
in fact, got two watches (double yay!)
internship at cler. co. water and soil preservation (Yay!)
license and car....in progress still (heh...)

more on all that at a later date, right now, sleepy time.

Language is about communication. Communication is about involvement.
~Dieter
(and its not nearly so funny just reading it. you have to know him and imagine him saying it.)

Sixteenth Anniversary of his Twenty-Ninth Birthday

2005-06-09T23:53:00.000-07:00

Barb really is evil. it's not just me, or my imagination. she's an old lady whos a bagger at kroger. okay, i knew she was mean, and i knew that there were other people who didn't like her- she got transferred to deli once and got transferred back in less than a month because they couldn't stand her- but i didn't know that she had such a horrible effect on people other than me. the first time she came through my line she got me so frustrated and flustered that i was on the verge of tears for twenty minutes or so afterwards. thankfully the lady after her was very sweet (barb had suggested to her that she go to another line because i didn't know what i was doing) i'd worked there for at least a couple months when that all happened. even now, when she bags for me, she has the talent of getting under my skin in record times of about twenty seconds. as it takes quite a bit to really annoy me or get me upset, i'm sure you all can appreciate how great a 'talent' that is. anyway, around to the point of why i'm writing this today. we have a bagger, rachel, who just started working about a week ago. she's a sweetheart. really shy and quiet, quieter than me even, i think, but she does whatever she's told and she's polite and very nice, and she tries hard. anyway, i looked up for a second today and all of a sudden i notice that she's crying, and don (who was bagging for me) said something to her about how everyone makes mistakes, and it was okay, and she kept crying, and i think judy let her go to the back to calm down for a bit. i didn't find out what happened for a few minutes, because i was still in the middle of an order, but apparently rachel had put a bag with eggs and bread on the bottom of the cart, and barb told her off for it. grr, she makes me mad. don happens to be convinced that shes evil, and is really just a walking corpse. i think he may have something there. okay, i'm being mean, but really, barb was way out of line. it wasn't even that big a deal- just move the bag, no need to yell at the girl and make her cry, i mean, geez. and i heard judy telling rachel later that barb had been out of line to yell at her, and that rachel didn't do anything wrong, which made me feel better.

as for less maddening news, apparently ken (store manager) turned fortyfive today. or turned twenty nine for the sixteenth time, as he preferred. he got a huge bunch of balloons, like two dozen or so. i wanted to hold them to see if they would lift me in the air at all.

and an update on my car: it is in beautiful working order, the only thing thats still wrong with it from before grandpas friend took it away is that the pasenger door still won't open from the outside. it does, however, have a new engine with only 70,000 miles on it, which , quote, "purrs like a kitten." i'm getting it on sunday. since its too nice to be a birthday present for just me, its technically a family car, but i'll be the main driver. yay!

and now for an update on my license: i called the bmv today, and the earliest they could schedule me was 6/23. my temps expire on 6/22. so they said if i keep calling, they might get a cancellation spot that they can put me in.

Good and evil are perfectly balanced- evil people are just louder.
~me

Lucky Number Three

2005-06-07T22:57:00.000-07:00

Today has been a very interesting day at work. first of all, i was on time clocking in and out. that is amazing in itself. clocking in on time was amazing because my plan had been to go to the bike trail with phyl, then just go straight to work, as its less than a hop skip and a jump away. however, once we started walking, i realized that i had my uniform, but i'd forgotten shoes, and i was in sandals, so we had to go home and then go to kroger, and then i still had to change- but i still clocked in at 2.30. 2.29 to be precise. and i was completely ready. clocking out on time was amazing because for some reason, i was the only cashier there after eight o clock or so. i hadn't gotten my last break yet, but i figured to just let it go, because the only person who'd take me off would be annie, and she had this horrible cough, and i was leaving soon anyway. she did give me my break around 9.20 though, but when i came back, i saw that patty had hopped on a register too, and they were still backed up about four people to a line. even though i was back, we were still limited to two registers, because they'd already pulled all the other tills. i was still able to leave right at ten though.

also while i was at work, we had some kind of power surge where the lights went halfway out. it would have been kind of neat, actually, except i was in the middle of printing out a receipt. out of registers 3, 4, and 5, only register three actually shut off. guess which one i was on. uh huh. i had patient people in line though, so it was okay.

anyone reading this either tonite or tomorrow morning, theres going to be a car wash at the goshen bp tomorrow (wednesday, june 8) from 11-6 to raise money for our mexico mission trip. stop by if you can, please.

Life is like a box of chocolates.

The Stars are Closed to our Quartet

2005-06-06T21:12:00.000-07:00

I'm glad i decided to go swimming. even if our pool is a bit, er, murky, after getting out of the pool our house feels pleasantly warm as opposed to stiflingly hot and muggy (we still haven't turned the air on, for some insane reason). plus, the water isn't cold, its actually very nice.

I turned in my english portfolio today. now the only thing i have left to do is one essay and one article for newspaper, and then i'm Done! ah. oh, and rachel, i hope you did good on your spanish exam- *crosses fingers for you*. when we went up there, i was going to stop at the mall to pick up a skirt i saw on friday that i really liked, but there wasn't time because we had to get back for amy's doctor appointment. so my dad's going to take me up on thursday instead.

ack, i can feel the heat creeping in again.

yesterday i went to turner's graduation party, and the day before that i went to ashley drake's. i had a good time at both, but probably more fun at turner's because it was mostly family at ashley drake's, so i knew more people at turner's. her family has an awesome plot of land- ponds and woods and fields and a nice house, too.

i've been looking at my college stuff a bit again. a few minutes ago, i was looking through a viewbook and application that harvard sent me. my mom got all excited when they sent it, because i didn't send them anything asking for information, at least not that i remember. when i was little, i always wanted to go to harvard or yale or some ivy league school, just because they were so selective and renowned. but as i was looking through the viewbook, i began to think that i don't really want to go to harvard. in all honesty, except for the name, there was nothing really special that caught my eye. there were a couple minuses: the freshman class size is 1700, or somewhere around there- i want to go to a school where the total population is around 1700; and there were, if i remember right, around 60 courses with more than 100 students. in fact, two courses had more than 500 students. Five Hundred students in one class. and i also remember a sign i saw in my english profs office that said "can harvard hope to become the beloit of boston?" beloit is a tiny school in wisconsin, that i was considering until i decided i wanted a school with environmental science and writing, and they only had writing. anyway, the point is, there are plenty of great schools out there, that are equal to if not better than ivy league schools, and are well known for it. i still might apply to harvard though, just to see. :-D

Prime Numbers are like Life- logical, but you can never figure out the rules.

1-800-ELMO

2005-06-02T00:12:00.000-07:00

The stupidity of our psych class knows no bound. same, if not more so, goes for their rudeness. a girl i have come to know fondly as "ditzy blonde" is tops in both categories, but especially rudenss. all quarter she has been notorious for waiting for the attendance sheet to come round, coming in, signing it, and leaving again. today, ditzy blonde got up in the middle of a presentation, left, and came back five minutes later- with a bag of cheezits. and she talked thru presentations as well. as for the stupid category...we won't even go there. lets just say several guys are fighting for tops in that one, as well as ditzy blonde. but ditzy blonde and friend are presenting friday...maybe we'll be late that day. okay, i'm being mean, but really, they are absolutely horrid.

tomorrow is mile's graduation party. i think. as far as i have been informed, anyway. really, the organization for this whole thing is pitiful. but thats what we get for being a group of indecisive people. so i have to call phyl tomorow and tell him the new time we're meeting at the school, and then email rachel with directions and new plans. i hope she can come. and i shall remember my swim suit! not getting thrown into the pool again. well, maybe, but not in jeans and a tshirt again. i need to get miles something still, come to think of it. hmmmmmmmmm. i was thinking of making him a little book, like i made last year for everybody at xmas and end of year. i'll have to go to sleep though, because that will actually take effort and i'll have to get up sorta earlyish to make it.

oh, but before i go, i saw amy and bonnie today (ub directors)! it was so odd, i had just walked out of the parttime faculty office and it took me a second, but there were two people in front of me, and all of a sudden i realized it was them. so i said hi and such fun stuff. yah. anyway, going sleeping now.

philosophy is the talk on the cereal box, religion is the smile on the dog.

Splenda-rific

2005-05-26T18:52:00.000-07:00

Random statements:
I have determined that I am a hopeless romantic.
Yes, i figure out tax in my head, and I'm proud of it. :-D
Pumpkin seeds are not nearly so good as I remember. they're pretty bad, actually.

I cannot believe the last day of school, for all intents and purposes, is tomorrow. I was so worried about the seniors leaving, that this day kind of snuck up on me. its actually not as sad for me this year, though, because i'll be having the exact same class next year, only without the seniors, and the seniors are already gone, so its ok. the only thing will be not seeing everybody every day anymore.

oh, i finally got my schedule worked out. its changed a bit, now. and patty and kate are going to kill me, i won't be able to work during the week at all, because i have night class monday wednesday thursday, and tuesday even though i don't have a night class persay, my last class doesn't get out till 6.15, which pretty much eliminates chances of working, unless they want me from 6.45-11, which would be unlikely. so yah, from september 21 to thanksgiving, i won't have any weekends off, and/or will be poor. so here is my official schedule, with rounded times:

Mon: 11-12: french; 6.30-9: astronomy
Tue: 11-12: french; 2-3: biology; 5-6: trigonometry
Wed: 11-12: french; 7-10: biology lab
Thu: 11-12: french; 2-3: biology; 5-6: trig; 6.30-9: psychology
Fri: 11-12: french

Thursdays look like lots of fun. but i don't have to worry about this till september. and here's hoping that no one has registered for astronomy since i last checked, because there were exactly two seats left. and those are krystals and phyls, so no one is allowed to take them! anyway, i really need to go finish up my homework. i panicked earlier thinking that our english portfolio was due tomorrow, which its not, but i still have to finish my psych, which isn't quite done.

Not all romances have happy endings, but all love stories are beautiful.

I Smile Because I Have No Idea What's Going On

2005-05-25T11:35:00.000-07:00

I have this feeling that there's something really important that I should be doing, but I don't know what it is. It probably has something to do with the fact that rachel is kind of panicking about all the work she has to do, but the only thing I really have to worry about is psychology, and it doesn't seem balanced to me. I mean, finals are the week after next, there should be something important that I have to do, but really its just my outlines for psych and revising (read: lengthening) my papers for my eng portfolio, which won't be too hard. really, the hardest part will be sitting down and reading the chapters for psych without falling asleep.

i have to work today. :-P. only four hours, but still, it means i have to leave the mexico meeting early. oh, and i've decided at least part of the reason i'm friends with mostly guys at work is that the two girls we hired most recently are really very catty. i'm wondering when kyle and eric and cricket are going to start working. hmm.

I did my psych presentation today. it went alright, i guess, but i don't think it was nearly as good as the speeches i did last quarter for my speaking class. i didn't practice it much, which i guess was part of it. also, i wasn't as comfortable with most of the psych class as i was with our speaking class. speaking of which, i was going to email karen (speaking professor) just to keep in touch.

there was something else i was going to talk about, but i cant' think of it now. oh well, i'm off for english.
````````````````````````````
english was cancelled, because our professor wasn't feeling well. so i've spent the past hour trying to figure out a schedule, because we register tomorrow. mines complicated, but the only real problem is that the astronomy class we were all planning to take together has only five seats left, and krystal and phyl won't register till sometime in july. that could be problematic. anyway, this is what my schedule looks like:

Monday: 10.00-10.50 cyberpunk movement (thats an english class)
11.00-11.50 intensive french 1
6.30- 9.10 astronomy

Tuesday: 11.00-11.50 intensive french 1
5.00-6.15 trigonometry

Wednesday: same as monday

Thursday: 11.00-11.50 intensive french 1
5.00-6.15 trigonometry
6.30-9.10 psych of interpersonal relations

Friday: same as monday

yah, told you it was complicated. i won't be late for show choir this year, though. as a matter of fact, i could be at the school two and a half hours early if i wanted to be. it will be interesting to see what my work schedule will be like now, though. they usuallly schedule me to work anywhere from 1.30 to 11.15 on tuesdays and thursdays, and they can't do that now. they could get me from 12.30-4.30, maybe, but that would be about it. on the other hand, i will be available from 12.30 on on fridays, so... hey, that could mean daytime hours instead of late hours on friday. that would be nice.

You mean She-WHo-Must-Not-Be-Named?
~Fozzi bear, playing the cowardly lion, referring to the Wicked Witch of the West in the Muppets Wizard of OZ

LIL B BLU

2005-05-21T20:32:00.000-07:00

that is the license plate number (er, letter) of the car i am going to steal (disclaimer: not really). it pulled into kroger while i was waiting for my mom to pick me up. its a mini cooper S in this really neat baby blue color with cool wheel covers. it was very pretty. *grin*

when i was at work today, i realized that all the people i really talk to, except krystal, are guys. i talk to the other girls that are working there, but the only people i would actually call friends are don philip eric and cory (and krystal). just an odd little fact i thought i'd throw out there. it probably has something to do with the fact that while the number of guys and gals that work there are pretty even, when it comes to teenagers, there are more guys. speaking of which, i have been declared musically retarded by don (i prefer musically challenged) because of my complete lack of knowledge of musicians, bands, and song titles, which i freely admit is pretty much...nil.

what else have i been doing... heh, i'm trying to ask off for all the graduation parties i've been invited to. and get off for the movie day/night we (me, rachel, phyl, krystal, and miles) planned. i think i'm going to cheat and call that a graduation party too. oh, and get off for my birthday. all in the same two weeks. it's a shame i just told them i was available on mondays again, otherwise i would have my bday off automatically, cause its a monday. graduation is still this friday, i still can't believe it. i spent all day at work listening to don (junior) and jp (senior) argue about jp leaving loveland. it was a bit strange...they were acting really serious, even though they weren't really, while at the same time, they kind of were. i dunno. point is, seniors are leaving us, and we be-eth sad. and the idea that i will be a senior next year, which i also have not yet believed, was also re-enforced by two emails about being a senior mentor next year. oh the scaryness. and college finals are in just a couple weeks as well. this quarter flew by, really it did. oh, and i have one, two poems up.

I'm not procrastinating, I just need some more time to prepare my uncompleteness.
~alex c, aka big teddy bear

Come on, Come on, The world will follow after

2005-05-17T22:31:00.000-07:00

i am in such a good mood its almost unreal. i say almost, because the damper on my good mood is that tomorrow is the last day with seniors. the very last day. it just can't be, but it is. from now on, choir will be without april and turner and miles. that just can't be true....those three have just defined the choir program, at least for me, and now they're just going to be gone..................i've talked about this a lot already though, and wishing is not going to slow down time at all, because trust me i've tried, so i'll return to my happy mood now. *sigh* i just feel all warm and fuzzy and..happy. and its like i was reading on someone elses journal recently, who was also feeling happy, it seems like being happy is almost against the rules or something in our world today. what with the emphasis on terrorism and scandal and politics and violence.....but i don't care, i'm happy anyway.

other than that, i'm thinking i don't have much to say...i have a bunch of days to request off now, for grad parties, and graduation itself. speaking of which, hugs to mrs. b because the administration is still freaking out on her. hugs. the band concert was fun, and we did really good with our bake sale for mexico. we sold everything but one muffin, which we gave to mr. o as a thank you for letting us hold the bake sale.

oh, i almost forgot. me and phyl helped with fun day for the little kids today. we were doing the jart toss (yes, its with a j, no typo there) and we were each controlling one line, and one of the classes that came through, i had all the boys in my line (because almost all the classes were boys v girls, of course), and they were looking at phyl and whispering to each other- 'thats the heel clicker!' 'don't you remember? he came to our school with the choir and he clicked his heels' 'he's that guy who jumped really high and clicked his heels together'- just the way they were whispering together and calling him heel clicker was so amusing, i still laugh thinking about it.

whee i'm happy. but i think i've said that already. i'll stop before i become annoyingly repetetive, though i might have already got there.

Love will fly if held too lightly, Love will die if held too tightly, Lightly, tightly, how do I know Whether I'm holding or letting love go?

Think about it every time I think about it / Can't stop thinking bout it

2005-05-13T20:05:00.000-07:00

I suppose its a good thing the way everyone is reacting to the news that me and phyl are going back out again- its better than being 'starcrossed lovers', say- but part of me think its kind of creepy. its almost as if they've been watching us, waiting with baited breath for us to get back together. i dunno. like i said, its creepy feeling. And i've also got a bit of a guilty feeling. i'm not sure, its almost like i feel like i'm having it both ways, and i shouldn't be allowed to do that. i don't know if its because almost no one knows the details of our breakup before, or because i don't know why everything clicked all of a sudden. maybe because i don't know why, i don't know why it couldn't have happened sooner, and i feel bad that it took so long. i dunno. even with all that, i'm very happy. :-)

our choir concert was last night, and i think we did really well. all the high school choirs did a really good job (yes, even concert choir- believe it or not, they really have improved, even if the guys still struggle with, ah, hitting the same note). middle school choir did well as far as i could tell, except for their show choir. they were really lackadaisical about the whole thing (isn't that a fun word). and they were whining, whispering, and laughing While everyone-including them- was onstage performing joyful. mrs. b was really mad about that when i told her. off stage behavior was absolutely horrid for concert choir and middle school. i can't really say, as i was on stage almost the entire night, but thats what i've heard from everyone, and i don't doubt it. more good news, though, is that our sound system was working! mrs b had a sound guy show her how it worked, so we had a Working monitor and were able to turn the mikes up loud enough that show choir could be heard all the way out in the main hallway. those who haven't been in show choir don't realize what a big deal this is, but normally we have mrs. b standing about fifteen yards away from the stage going 'i can't hear you. sing Louder.' so that was just really neat all in itself, and the monitor too- the first year, we had the monitor but no monitor cables. last year, we had the monitor cables but couldn't find the spot to hook up the monitor. this year- a working monitor! and due to the show choir's year long success, i finally was able to email mrs. b again...happier email this time, though much shorter.

I'm a bit sad right now though, because i just got my schedule for next week and i'm working friday, which means i can't go to the mayfest concert thing. i would convince someone to take my hours, but every cashier who isn't working is marked as either unavailable or requested. the only one who is just 'off' is nick, and other than friday he only has one day off, so i doubt he'd go for that, although i'll ask him, just in case. maybe i can take his hours on wednesday or thursday or something. ah well. i have upward bound to look forward to tomorrow. yay! oh, but i just realized this is the last upward bound for alex and lindsay...wow that just hit me...how sad....

There are no impossible dreams, just our limited perception of what is possible.

True Companion

2005-05-11T10:59:00.000-07:00

I had that song stuck in my head all night at work, because i heard it while i was on break. and now its stuck in my head again.

I've been in a really good mood all week. I dunno, i've just been really happy lately. it's pretty outside, we have a new computer, im getting a car for my birthday, confusion has been happily resolved...

our final choir concert is tomorrow. that still seems really strange to me, that its so soon. i guess its because high school for me is equivalent to choir, and i hadn't really registered how close we were to the end of the year because i kept thinking our concert was far away. but its not. its tomorrow. and we've got just under a month left till the end of college, counting finals week, and even less than that for high school. just a couple weeks, actually. and then will come summer academy, where there will be no lindsay and no alex and we will be the seniors in denial instead of them. nope, thats not happening. nuh uh. it is not that close to our senior year, not at all. we will not be getting ready to go away for college this time next year. nope. not us. nosiree. okay, i'm done with my denial bit now.

what else was i going to write about...
hmm. well what have i been thinking about, that should help...

i'm registered for the sat finally. i'm taking it june 4, but i have to go all the way out to xavier or walnut hills (i forget which) to take it. its crazy.

what else was there? hmmm, whats been happening the last couple days...i told philip at work last night that i could take his hours saturday...ive gotten drawn back into neopets, sadly enough...my english teacher missed our conference- i was there, she wasn't....and now i'm drawing a blank.

Chocolate is more than a taste, its a feeling.

New Computer Woes and Wonders

2005-05-08T22:25:00.000-07:00

ha, i just freaked out because i thought our new computer froze, but i was just using the wrong mouse. heh. we still have all our old computer stuff (ie- mouse, keyboard, computer itself) sitting at the desk, but its the new mouse, keyboard, and computer that are actually hooked up. anyway. i love our new computer. this is the first time i'm using it, but its windows xp, which makes me happy. i've always loved the way the screens look on xp. and our new keyboard has buttons to control volume and the cd player and stuff on it. technically, our old keyboard had that too, but the buttons didn't work on the old one, so that doesn't count. the one sad thing about our new computer is i just went to check the harry potter fanfics that i like. i have a bunch bookmarked, so i can see when they're updated and don't lose track of them. but new computer means a new favorites list, and i just lost them all. *tear* i'll have to remember them all and find them again. ah well. small price to pay for a great new computer.

oh, and i was watching that elvis miniseries thing (i stopped because my family would not stop heckling me about it) but while i was watching, it came to the part of the story with his first live performance, and he was chewing gum. while he was singing. i really need to tell mrs. b. that.

The voices aren't real, but they have good ideas.

Attack of the Killer Pink Frogs (aka interrupting the migration patterns of funny looking pink frogs)

2005-05-07T22:18:00.000-07:00

I love my grandpa. and his friend. those of you who have not heard the story of our poor pathetic saturn car, it had pretty much died and was just sitting on the side of the road. my grandpa's friend loves fixing up old cars (thats actually who we got our van from, its a 92) and he came down (during the week of the huge blizzard) dug it out of the snow, and took it back up to findlay to play with it and try to get it working again. today, my grandpa revealed that the saturn is going to be my birthday present! yay that makes me happy! i have to get my license now. i think he was even saying he would put the title in his name, so he'd pay insurance and everything, but the car would be mine. ah, thats such good news! although, its not quite fixed yet, but they're pretty sure it'll get there. but thats not all. my grandpa also took my dad out today while me amy and mom were watching sahara again (which is my new favorite movie, its awesome, i've seen it twice now) and paid for a new hp computer! i don't know why my grandparents are rich. my grandmas an artist, but its not like everyones clamoring for her paintings, although they are beautiful and have won a few local awards. my grandpa is a ww2 vet and worked for marathon, but its not like he was the ceo or anything. ah well. the point is, we have a new computer and i will have my own car! and our new computer has a gigantic hard drive. our computer now is 40 gbytes, and we don't even use all of that, but our new one is 160 gbytes. and thats the only statistic i know, sorry.

in other exciting news, my dad finally graduated from msj today, so he officially has his masters degree in education and can start teaching next year. my aunt janissa and grandparents are down for the weekend (hence all the exciting gifts from grandpa). emilys having loads of fun playing with aj, as she calls our aunt janissa. she's really wonderful with emily, and em loves her. actually, em's bummed out because i'm flying out to visit aj this summer, because she told us that each of us can visit her the summer after our junior year, and em's sad because its just me going and not her. ah well. she'll be very depressed and mopey for the week after aj leaves, but she'll bounce back.

aaaanything else exciting........don't think so. i've been listening to some really funny stories aj has about wildlife encounters, as thats pretty much what she does for a living (thats where the title comes from here). so thats all for today. oh, the quotes for the next several entries will probably be to do with chocolate, because i got a bag of dove candies today, and they have quotes on the wrappers, most about chocolate.

chocolate makes everything a little bit better.

Grapevine

2005-05-06T11:20:00.000-07:00

Our house is very clean. it's scary, almost. and we rearranged our living room completely, and downstairs too, but not as much there. its strange, it could almost pose for a picture on a magazine or something. the company we were cleaning for have not arrived yet, though. my aunt janissa was supposed to fly in from idaho last night, but her flight from detroit to here was cancelled, so she got to findlay (not sure how) and then she's driving down from there. actually, she might just hook up with my grandparents, who are also coming down from findlay. my dad graduates from mt. st. joe tomorrow, which is the reason everyones coming down.

I can't believe that awards nite for choir and band is monday. that seems way too soon. i dunno, it just seems like the year shouldn't be almost over already, but it is. its scary. we're going to be seniors in denial in a month. just one month! ah! and then college searches must be taken seriously...scariness. and our concert is this thursday. thats scary too. but we're actually almost ready, i think. and after that i can finally email mrs. b, which i've been waiting to do for...a really long time.

i should be working on my stuff for newspaper. i really need to find a topic. i need to find something going on at ucc that i can write 350 words about, or more. hmmm. i guess i should go work on that now.

oh, and in case there is anyone in the high school who my sister has not already told, me and phyl are going back out again.

True strength is breaking a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands, and then eating only one of the pieces.

I love the java jive and it loves me

2005-05-03T22:30:00.000-07:00

update on confusion status- nagging from annoying little sister and co. aside, i'm not really confused anymore...i'm just thinking about what i'm going to do, and its that decision that is the hard part. now, onto topics that more than two people are aware of.

aside from the nagging of littles sister and co., our choir program 'tour' was fun. and successful, i think. little kids are awesome. i love performing for marr/cook. even if they fidget while we perform, watching their faces when we do something unexpected is really neat. like in joyful joyful, when the music got fast alll of a sudden, they all were like 'woah', and you could actually hear them saying that. also, this time around i found my ohio reads kid (although she got in trouble for talking halfway through). she didn't see me at first , and i knew mrs. b would kill me if i waved, so i just looked at her really hard and smiled at her, and she saw me, and her face lit up, and she kept smiling at me time to time for the rest of the program.

for the songs themselves, concert choir is actually improving. its scary, almost. the voice instructor person actually taught them something. and doing mountain music for show choir was...interesting. it was fun, almost, if you relaxed enough to laugh at yourself. and we did good for chamber choir- i liked the semicircles we were set up in, i could hear all the altos, not just rachel and krystal.

and we played ten fingers at lunch. when i was at work, i thought of good ones that i didn't think of, of course, while we were playing. i've never eaten a payday. i've never paid for a pop with vanilla or fruit flavoring. etc. etc.

How wise you were to open not; and yet how poor if you should turn him from your door. If love should count you worthy.

I just don't know and I'm so confused

2005-05-01T15:35:00.000-07:00

prom was wonderful. i felt all pretty and it was a good time. they had a chocolate fountain! it was so cool. and i was surprised, abby was wearing a long light blue dress. i was expecting her in something short and either pink or black. the whole night was magical really. oh, and many kudos to alex (kyles girlfriend) for coming up with the ingenius idea of filling the little glasses with chocolate. even though thats how i ended up getting chocolate on my dress. it was still a brilliant idea. afterprom was fun too, although confusing for me. alex was the queen of the stuffed animal machine, winning a grand total of eight stuffed animals (well, one was actually a porcelain doll). someone else won the felix she wanted though. and corey and david came to afterprom...without going to prom (btw, corey, if you're reading this, phyl is under orders from kyle to beat you for hitting alex with that balloon, because it hurt her). we posed for lots of pictures the entire night, too. my mom took almost an entire roll, and i took two rolls. see, my mom took pictures of me at home, then when we stopped at rachels they wanted pics, so my mom took some there too, and then she took some of all of us at o charleys, and then we went to kyles house for pics, and she took more there. and she might have taken some when she dropped us off as well.

and now i really wish i could go to this weeks saturday academy, because i really need to talk to abby. i think i've finally decided what i'm going to do, but i'm really afraid to and i need to tell someone before i actually do it. shes the only one i can think of really, because ive listened to her so many times. i'm afraid waiting two weeks might be too long, though. either i'll have to do this over email or find a time to talk to jan instead. ah well. i'll survive, hopefully.

Love will fly if held too lightly. Love will die if held too tightly. Lightly, tightly, how do I know whether I'm holding or letting love go?

God bless him, He's a braver soul than I

2005-04-29T21:33:00.000-07:00

there was a man who came through my line today with SIX preteen girls. not all his, i'm betting there was some kind of sleep over going on, but there were SIX of them, and he was the only adult. they would have gotten on my nerves after fifteen minutes, and he took them all to the grocery store! ah. he's a brave man.

good news at work, there are continuing signs i will be working in floral more. yay! when we were slow kate had me turn out my light and called me over to floral, where sharon and brenda were doing...whats the word...corsages and boutineers (sp?). she told me to watch them so i could learn how to do it. i learned how to make a boutineer, and i made half of a corsage, but then i had to go run chris' register so he could get his lunch. while i was making my corsage though, sharon was telling me that i'd get better, because they had about a hundred orders for the next couple weeks (lovelands prom is the 14), which implies i will be helping them with that. and brenda keeps asking me if i like working floral. i keep telling her yes, in the hopes that even if i don't get transferred completely over there, i'll at least work over there more.

and as for prom update, krystal and me decided that since my moms working till 5.30, we could really just pick up phyl and rachel at their houses and meet everyone else at o charleys. so i have to call them tomorrow and tell them that, and make sure to call krystal to see what time theyre getting there and if anyones calling ahead.

God knows how to love, kiddo. The rest of us are only good actors.

Next Time You Should Write Down Your Number

2005-04-29T11:21:00.000-07:00

the march of dimes was fun, even though it was cold and snowing. i felt really bad for these little girls, about seven or eight years old, who did this dance routine at the end, they were wearing leotards with a really thin, short egyptian costume over top. they must have been so cold. i was cold just watching them.

krystals working at krogers now. yay. i actually have someone to talk to now. i mean, i like most of the people i work with, but i don't really know them very well. i've talked to krystal more in the past two days at work than i do most people there in like two weeks. and soon kyle will be working there, and i think jan said cricket got a job there too. and i thought miles said he applied as well. whee.

prom is tomorrow. i'm excited. i finally got my shoes yesterday (no heels, yay) and i finally got my nail polish to dry, which it hadn't been wanting to do the first couple times i put it on. so we're meeting at krystals at five, then going to dinner, then going to kyles so his mom can get pics, and then going to prom. i'm pretty sure. although my mom might not be able to get to krystals till five thirty. oh, and i need to get this permanent marker off of my hand now. hmm. i have the beginnings of a poem in my head, i have ever since about the middle of my shift yesterday, so i should go write that. actually, i should go read this weeks reading for newspaper so i can write my response essay thats due today. either way, i guess i should go. so buh bye.

you may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing called "failure" is not in the falling down, but the staying down.

a single arm raised gracefully

2005-04-20T14:12:00.000-07:00

whee. i beith bored.

uggjluioi;g;fdskdfayhwefasdlifuyqweioskdlgorithreoifgsekdlf;aweiorejfn;u
deiorujskdlskdlskdlskdlskdlskdlskdlskdlhf;welursidofj;sdhiaewrydajksdf
hfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfheuaklfdf

okay, now that thats done. we were supposed to have an abstinence assembly today. i say supposed to because it didn't really strike me as an abstinence assembly. i was expecting it to be the vice principals just telling us to be good boys and girls for an hour. but it wasn't. we had this amazing speaker come talk to us. he touched on abstinence, but it wasn't so much about that as it was about drugs and alcohol and respect and so many things really. it was the perfect fit for my mood as well. yesterday i realized that its been a while since i did any real thinking or worked on my life or myself at all. i've just been letting days go by, and these days are too precious for me to do that just now. so yesterday was a contemplative day, as well as productive, what with a poem, another poem, and an editorial. so this speaker just kind of capped it off. he was an excellent speaker, amazing really, and the way he flowed from the beginning of his speech to the end was just incredible. and all those people standing....

Every saint has a past, every sinner has a future.

Stupid, Prejudiced, Close Minded Bigots

2005-04-18T13:10:00.000-07:00

it's funny, other people are always saying how prejudiced and close minded people are in this area, but i don't usually notice it nearly as much as they do. maybe its because i don't want to. whatever the reason, i noticed it today. in second period, we had a study hall, and i heard a couple people talking about tiffany and tiffany. i knew already, because rachel had told me so, that there had been a lot of talk since the two of them had gotten together, and it wasn't as though i hadn't expected otherwise or not believed her. but actually hearing it is something else. i guess its mostly due to the fact that when i first started really hearing about gay and lesbian and all that stuff was in upward bound. in upward bound, everyone is exceedingly tolerant of such stuff. my freshman year, when we were introducing ourselves to each other we had to say so many things about ourselves, and one person told us he was gay. since, i have met two other people who are openly gay, one who is bi, and one who is pretty sure he isn't anything. so ever since this topic of conversation has been introduced, i've been very comfortable talking about it. at least, if i wasn't at first, i certainly am now. and to be honest, even with controversial topics being delivered on the point of gay marriage, i've never really heard people argue against people being gay. i know people do, don't get me wrong, but i've never actually heard it. and i was aware that there had to be people against tiff and tiff being together, but my close circle of friends were all for it, especially seeing as tiff e. has been one of krystal's best friends for a long time, and everyone liked tiff w. ever since she moved from alaska. and i don't really get much of school opinion since i'm locked away in the band room for the two periods that i'm at school. ah well, people are stupid.

" I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another and I know there are people in the world that do not love their fellow human beings and I hate people like that."
-Tom Lehrer

And you're laughing in my ear, For only me to hear

2005-04-16T23:38:00.000-07:00

its always nice to know that there are still honest people in the world. i had a customer come back five minutes after he left because he thought i credited him with one too many fifty cent coupons. i almost laughed, he was so concerned. i didn't though, because the world needs more people like him. and it was sweet to see that there are still really honest people left in the world.

show choir was productive today, at least i think so. we finished my dance. its even getting less confusing and frustrating for people, i think, as everybody gets used to the words and formatting. we ..kind of...finished ragtime. i say kind of because mrs. b lost at least two people completely, and im still not sure what we do at the end. i had fun though, actually. and i still win. ha.

we have a new puppy. the other day amy found a dog when she was walking with the neighbor's kids. she brought her home (the kids named her buttercup) and convinced mom to keep her overnight until we could take her to a shelter the next day. actually, amy wanted to keep her period, but my mom refused to keep her longer than a night. and she stayed outside. well, that was a few days ago, and yesterday my mom saw emily playing with buttercup (who hadn't left yet) and realized how good buttercup is for emily and how connected they are already. so she has gone from a zero to a 7/8 on a scale of one to ten for keeping buttercup. and she was allowed inside today. so we're keeping her, my mom just hasn't changed her response from "probably" to "yes" yet.

Happiness is a warm puppy.

Rat traps are evil, dangerous, scary, and malfunctionous

2005-04-13T21:08:00.000-07:00

i had an epiphany, if you will, a few minutes ago concerning harry potter and one of my friends. i realized that the personality of one of my friends is actually much like that of harry. i'm not talking about the cliche hero bravery type thing. what i'm talking about is much more complicated than that, something no one who hasn't read the books, or maybe even someone whose read one through four, but not five, could understand. you have to be really familiar with the books and able to get inside the characters heads to understand the full weight of harry's personality and realize this. i, of course, most definitely qualify for that. the only other person i know who does, outside my family, would be corey. and alex. anyway, it was a fanfic that made this realization snap into place for me- Being Noble by Poseida, if anyone's interested. the quote i'm closing with is hers.

As for the more concrete events of today- i went to science challenge. our beautiful car, beautiful in theory, anyway, went kaput, quite literally. it should have worked, though. we did pretty well on the science bowl and outdoor earth science- go rob lowe! and i had fun playing mancala for logical reasoning. what else did we do? nick, flip, and rob kept playing with the rat traps during lunch. the rat traps scared me, as they could probably break my fingers, so i stayed away while they were doing that. what else? oh! while we were waiting for the bus afterwards, we discovered a creek next to the building, and we went down there to 'look for fossils' (i must give ashley m. credit though, she actually was asking mr. ashley the names of fossils she found and being interested in it) which evolved to 'skipping rocks' which evolved to 'throwing huge rocks in the creek' which evolved to 'out and out war between both sides of the creek'. now that was fun.

show choir- was odd. i only walked in for the last ten minutes, so all i have is this vague impression i got from amy that there was fighting and gossip, but the gossip wasn't about members, it was about barton (?), but they had a counseling session and everybody cried and by the time i got there it was all better? it was just an odd feeling. and i hope everything really is better, because it was less than a week ago that i almost had convinced abby that there was no more gossiping or fighting and she was thinking about coming back.

Happy endings...aren't about not having bad parts--they're about having enough good parts to make all the bad parts worth it.

Celery Monster?! What's with this?

2005-04-10T21:42:00.000-07:00

the world has come to a sad new level of political correctness when cookie monster goes on a diet.

alternate titles for this blog:
hello hades.
the addictive covers of trash magazines- they suck you in.
every picnic table for miles around is taken.

before i forget, correction to last blog, we learned the saLSa, not the saMBa.

every single person in the tristate had a grill out today, i swear. i sold so many hot dogs and hamburgers and buns its not even funny. also, we had a bunch of people getting propane tanks. poor grace, she was our nonfoods person tonight, every time she'd start something, she'd get called up to get a propane tank.

my mind is blank, i can't remember a single other thing i did today. oh, thats because i worked all day. huh. and i always find sundays a depressing day to work, for some reason. specially when its nice out. ah well.
...
...
...
there was something from work friday i was going to post...
can't remember that either.
definitely at a blank.
i'll stop now before i hurt myself.

To see a world in a grain of sand, and heaven in a wildflower.
To hold infinity in the palm of your hand, and eternity in an hour.

Today is a very good day

2005-04-09T15:23:00.000-07:00

today has been, and should continue to be, a wonderful day. it's one of those days where everything goes right when you're not expecting it too, and its just fun. for onething, its a beautiful sunshiney day, which would make today a good day all by itself, but thats not all. i had upward bound today, and in the morning our group had to do an infomercial about the top three characteristics we'd come up with that were important for personal excellence (advocacy, compassion, and confidence). we had figured out that we were going to do some kind of drug, and we were trying to come up with a name for it. bethy said something about just calling it excellence, but devvon heard exlax, so we went off on a whole spoof of exlax with- Ex-ILAX! it got rid of bad qualities and had side effects of our three good qualities. we had a complete presentation and powerpoint ready within half an hour, complete with a product description (me) logo (abby) poster spoofs (two peeps whose names i can't remember, sorry!) powerpoint (don't remember) script (bethy)....it was just awesome. then we got to eat lunch outside, and we talked about fun stuff like guard and choir, and then we spent the afternoon dancing! it was so much fun. we learned samba, tango, triple swing (which is different than the swing me and abby already knew, and it threw us off), the electric slide, the hussle, and a really simple dance i'd never heard of before, whose name i can't remember, which i couldn't spell anyway..so yah. but it was soo much fun, i had a blast. and then tonight i'm going to the mall to go get my prom dress- yay!

UPDATE- i now have a beautiful prom dress. we went to deb, and i found a really pretty one that i liked, but the price tag wasn't as pretty (120). there was another one about the same price i really liked, even though it was beige, because the design was so cool. they didn't have my size, though. i wasn't completely sold on the 120 dollar dress, so i went and looked at sears. the first dress i saw there was one with the same design as the beige one, but it was green! which was just so cool. it was hanging on the wall, though, so i assumed it was more expensive. as i looked at the dresses on the floor, though, i saw similar designs that were less than a hundred, so i tried it on, and loved it. while i was waiting for my mom to join me, i looked at the tag and saw that it was 140! i was upset, but i loved it so i convinced my mom that it was worth it and i would pay for it. then we were checking out, and it turned out it was on sale! 89.97! Still too expensive for a dress, but meh, you must adjust your usual rules when it comes to prom dresses.

The wind tells a story, listen.

"Krystal! You are not allowed to talk anymore! At least not until after first period."

2005-04-05T22:28:00.000-07:00

14/15/17/18/19/20/21/22/23/24 25 26 27 28/29/30/31 01 02
03/04/05/06/07/08-9-10/12/13/14/15/16/17/18/19/20/21/22/23/24

Do you know what those numbers are? those are the dates of July 14-Aug 24. well what do the slashes and dashes mean? i hear you cry. each chain of numbers connected by '/'s represent the dates of a trip- for example, the 14-24, i am in mexico. the dashes around 09 mean that i return home on the ninth, only to leave again that same day. my mom was brave enough to tackle our summer schedule last night, and i realized just how much time off i'm going to need from work. July 14-24, I am in Mexico on a mission trip. July 28-31 (approximately) I am in some major city with upward bound. August 3-9 (approximately) I am in Michigan for a family reunion. August 9-24 (approximately) I am in Idaho visiting my aunt janissa. anyway, point being, my suitcase is my friend :-). so are patty and kate, our scheduling people at work :-). I mentioned this problem to patty today, and asked maybe about a leave of absence (my moms idea) and patty said from the sounds of it, since there are a few days i'll be back in between, that shouldn't be necessary, and not to worry about it, at least not yet.

Oh, and Krystal got a job at our kroger! yay! I looked up and all of a sudden i saw krystal standing at the front desk. as thats only the second time i've seen one of my friends at my kroger, i was surprised. then i noticed that she was all dressed up, and i asked if they'd called her and she said yeah. then about- i dunno, an hour?- later, she came back down and she had gotten the job. hehe, now she can't say she's broke anymore. unless, of course, every penny of her check goes towards paying back the hundreds of dollars she owes her mom and miles.

I feel sorry for the dyslexic agnostic narcoleptics who sit up all night wondering if there really is a dog.

Deviantart- Omnipotents Needed

2005-04-04T19:39:00.000-07:00

Yelling is not nearly so effective, especially in writing, when you don’t know the last name of the person you’re yelling at. Not that the person i’m yelling at reads this anyway, or even knows it exists, but it would make me feel better to yell at them anyway. So you had better get yourself a name on deviantart already, because the old username you thought you might have had does not exist in any form, i tell you! You’ve been saying you need to get one for ages, and you said just two days ago that you’ve written a lot of poetry lately, so Create A Username, for cripes sake! I think thats part of the reason i hang around online even when i’ve run out of sites to check, because i think that some omnipotent being will somehow communicate to me that you have a username and what it is. It would be much easier and more realistic if you would just get a name and tell me what it is! And if you don’t do it soon, I may just get one of my technologically savvy friends to tell me how to create a virus so i can send it to your account when you eventually get it, like you were afraid i’d do. So there!

That’s better. I’d feel much better if i knew they had a new account, and what it was, but that will have to do for now, as i won’t see them again till Friday at work. :-P. Oh, speaking of deviantart and work, i had the two nicest guys come through my line the other day (yesterday, i think it was). They reminded me of the guys from secondhand lions, actually, though i didn’t realize that till they left (more celebrities, must make a note of that). Anyway, it turns out they were both substitute teachers, so they were asking me questions about what school i went to, which led to my favorite subjects, which led to how i loved to write. And they were very encouraging of my writing, they even said they’d check up on me to make sure i kept writing. Apparently, theres another cashier who likes to write (i didn’t know that. I know theres a bagger whos a poet *cough* who needs a name on deviantart *cough*. From what he said, i think he was talking about aleasha, anywya) and he checks up on her too. Anyway, they were just really nice and friendly and sweet.

Hmm. Not much really happened today, except for computers in general being absolutely horrible. Long complicated story, thats really very upsetting , so i won’t bother going into details. Just know that computers (at home, high school, and college) are not my friends today. Oh, show choir went very well. We learned the rest of joyful, which is so much fun, and reviewed what we learned of my dance. Oh, i just realized, i knew i forgot something. I skipped an itsy bitsy arm motion between the half jazz square and the charleston. Hehe. Oops. Oh well. Aaaaaaaaaand..........yah, thats all.

We will live together as brothers or perish together as fools.

flashing neon sign Pignolia Nuts Are At The End Of Aisle Six, On The Left Hand Side, On The Top Shelf, Hiding Amongst The Olives

2005-04-02T23:23:00.003-08:00

We were slow at work today, although we got really busy near the end of the night. that meant i got to do reshop again- yay! i'm getting a lot better at knowing where things go, i found almost everything my first time through. the only two things left were aromatic bitters and pignolia nuts. i ended up finding aromatic bitters on my second run through of the alcohol section, but i could not find the pignolia nuts anywhere. they were imported from greece, so i checked international. no go. they're nuts, so i checked produce. no go. they might have been organic, so i checked the natures market. no go. according to the jar, they're used in salads, so i checked near salad dressing. no go. it also said they're used in baking, so i checked the baking aisle. no go. it said they're used to top pasta, so i went back to international and looked with the pasta. no go. since they're a nut, i checked in the snacks with the peanuts and almonds. no go. i ended up checking all of these sections multiple times and wandering the store at least three times holding this stupid jar. finally i went up front and asked cassandra and sharon if they knew where it went. cassandra took in interest in my case and decided to come help me look around the store, while sharon decided to just scan it and see what department it was in. sharon told us it should be in produce, so me and cassandra went to ask the produce person where it was, since i hadn't seen it there in my rounds. he told us it should be in aisle six (thats the aisle with the salads, which i checked more than any other). sharon then came and found us and told us that she had read the computer wrong, and it would be in grocery. cassandra laughed at her, then the three of us went to check aisle six. we looked by the salad, and even by the olives and capers and hot sauce (i'm not sure why sharon thought it would be with hot sauce) but they weren't there. not even an empty spot with a matching label. following my original train of thought, they decided we should all three go check international. still no go, but cassandra asked a customer for their opinion, and he suggested with the peanuts in the snacks. me and cassandra headed that way while sharon went to ask kate's opinion on the matter. we were all laughing this whole time, becuase the situation was just so ridiculous. again, they weren't there, so we went to seek kates advice. kate told us aisle six. she said they would be on the top shelf with the olives, although they sometimes put them after the salad dressing. muttering about how we had already checked that aisle several times, we skeptically went back. we were examining the top shelf, which appeared to be purely jars of olives, when i caught sight of a lid that matched the pignolia nuts lid hiding behind another jar of olives. 'no way!' said cassandra when i saw this, but indeed, it was a second jar of pignolia nuts. i said that this didn't help us, though, because they were still in the wrong spot. then cassandra spotted a label for pignolia nuts on the shelf, which we hadnt noticed because there wasn't much of an empty space there, seeing as the olives took up so much room. so, the final question is, how many people does it take to put back a jar of pignolia nuts? well, counting me, the two random employees i asked before going to the front office, cassandra and sharon, the produce guy, the customer, and kate, that would be... eight. and if anyone ever needs to know where pignolia nuts are, i will remember their location as long as i live, so please, ask.

All it takes for evil to triumph is for good people to do nothing.

Ironies Cowardice and April Fools

2005-04-01T21:43:00.000-08:00

Yesterday and the day before were beautiful. I realized today that this fulfills the timeless maxim, that March is "in like a lion, out like a lamb", as those were the last two days of march. today wasn't bad, but it was a bit colder, and they have forecasts for snow tomorrow (whether or not james believes those forecasts exist). i am hoping this is just a cruel april fools jokes on the part of the mother nature and the meteorologists.

I didn't think of any good april fools jokes to play on people (one person in particular) at work. that was sad. the only joke i did play was on begley, and it wasn't even my own idea (twas inspired by a funny ecard from phyl [which, if you're wondering, me and rachel both guessed correctly before typing in an answer]). i hope it goes through his horrible spam protection program. i sent it as an ecard, then made my own in an email format, when rachel pointed out it probably wouldn't let in the other one. i used a leo da vinci picture in the one i made (haha. either one or two of the two people who read this should realize the humor of a da vinci picture).

I have more poems up on saraikristi.deviantart.com, if you'd like to read them. a picture too, this time. i also need help picking out a poem to enter in a contest. there are no subject, length, style, or any other limits of any kind, so i have no idea what to enter, and i'd like input.

what else? i've worked way too much this week. i just found out i worked sunday, too, so there goes a last chance for a group get together over spring break, at least one that i'm involved in. and my mom decided against a family trip to the zoo over the weekend because of the rain/snow predictions for tomorrow and amys babysitting on sunday. hey, maybe i can convince my mom to take us to a service at the vineyard church. i think this sunday might be the info meeting she wanted to go to, so she just might go for that.

it would be nice if everyone knew what was meant by other people's actions. that way, i would know when i'm reading too much into what other people say and do, and when i'm not, because i know sometimes i do, but other times i'm not sure. i think i'll end on that vague note.

Procrastinators unite tomorrow.

Annie, Easter Bunny Apprentice and Katie, Apple Bobbing Champion

2005-03-28T01:29:00.000-08:00

Hello all you lucky people who got to sleep in today because you're on your first day of spring break while i'm in my first day of spring quarter. hmph. :P. its not too bad, actually, except its raining, and we've made what seems like a dozen different trips to the bookstore and students services.
Yesterday was fun. Emily woke me up at 7:30 (that would be the non fun part of the day) and we got our easter baskets. then we had a little easter egg hunt, and we went out to breakfast at IHOP. then me, amy, mom, and emily went to the vineyard church for their easter service. we'd never been there before, but it's garret's church, so this was the test to see if amy liked it because of the church or because of garret. its really neat. its nondenominational, and they start off with a bunch of modern christian music with the words projected on a screen (joyful joyful was one of the songs) and the pastor guy was great (he wore a hawaiian shirt and jeans). they even had a coffee/tea bar in the entry way, and you could bring your drinks into the church with you. it was really really good. after church i went to work, where it was very very dead, especially considering it was a sunday. the time went faster than usual for a slow day, though, because each of us got an easter egg, and we hid them from each other, then looked for them when we didn't have customers (if a manager asks, though, we were looking for reshop and conditioning). around nine o clock, katie put some apples in the fountain in the floral department and annie and katie bobbed for apples. i was watching katies register while she did that, and i think i was supposed to go next, but judy said they should stop, because while you can disguise hunting for eggs, its hard to disguise bobbing for apples. anyway, i need to go to the bookstore (again) so thats all for now.

Brian the Balloon Savior

2005-03-22T22:35:00.000-08:00

I'm in an odd mood. well, trapped with odd thoughts is more accurate. not bad or depressing ones, just interestingly odd. funny too, if i look at them right. it's almost made me forget about the sign i'm waiting for about my dream. i'm glad, really, because its stopped me from obsessing. (although, really, only friday at work will tell if i've truly stopped obsessing about it, but i think i actually have this time) but these thoughts are so extremely odd...i don't think i'll obsess over them though, because there's no way they could possibly be true. well, i say that, but i don't really know. it would just be too strange if they did...and, of course, if i thought they could actually happen, i would be able to obsess over them.

wow...i was able to go on for quite a while without revealing what i was on about, wasn't i? hmm. fancy that. (and no, i'm not telling. i know this will aggravate at least one person *coughphylcough*, but trust me, you'll know if it happens...especially if it happens in its completest strangest form)

and i've just thought of something. i've mentioned before, i think, how other people being sad makes me sad? (oh yeah, i did, that was my karaoke post, anywya). a lot of the reason thats true, i think, is i want to make the other person feel better. i was rereading a story this morning (i was going to be cool and turn the word story into a link, but i can only do that at school because my home computers stupid. point being, here be the link: http://www.thedarkarts.org/authors/dzeytoun/DF17.html) and its from the point of view of an older brother, and it talks about how he feels like he always has to make things better, because thats part of being a good big brother, and a good son. i don't feel like its my Responsibility to make people feel better, but i could definitely relate to him, because i feel a lot better knowing that i've made someone else feel better.

i'm also really wondering how someone is feeling, but they're not talking to me much. and now that i've actually written that sentence down, i see how ironic this is. okay, i'll stop being nonsensical and start talking about things people outside my head can understand now.

today was an interesting day at work. our foodstamp machines were down all day. the guy fixed them about three times, and they still werent working. such lovely technology we have at our kroger. i finally got smart though and put a sign on my machine, about an hour before the front office people got the bright idea of putting bags over the machines, the way they do when a single machine isn't working. ingenious, i tell you. (note: this was done at 6:30 pm- as far as i know, they hadn't been working all day, at least not after 2 pm). and brian got to rescue some balloons that got trapped on the ceiling with a long pole with tape on the end. i don't know why, but i found that amusing. odd sense of humor, i have.

oh, and something really funny happened on house tonight (the only tv show i follow that has not been disrupted due to march madness. hmmph). it was in the clinic, and there was a baby brother sitting on his older brothers lap (older bro was babysitting while parents were away). baby bro was crying and screaming and not breathing right, house figures out he has something stuck in his nose, pulls out a tiny figurine of a police officer. a while later we come back to the clinic, they're there again. this time, house pulls a firefighter out of baby bro's nose. a while later, they're in the clinic a third time. this time house pulls a firetruck out of his nose and sets it on the counter next to the police and fire fighter. house looks at them sitting there together, has an aha moment, takes a magnet to baby bro's nose, and pulls out...a tiny metal cat figurine. baby bro sent the police, firefighter, and the firetruck up to rescue the cat.

i thought it was extremely funny.

Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have forgotten how to fly.

Our Sound System Works Perfectly....when we're asleep and dreaming

2005-03-21T22:15:00.000-08:00

I thought fine arts night actually went pretty well...well, okay, concert choir screwed up about the entire second half of heavens because we missed cues and didn't come in at all, but i thought show choir did alright. yes, we started off in mountain music, but we got back on. the same thing happened freshman year with moondance, its not really a huge deal when that happens. no, what i was impressed with was that it wasn't nearly as crazy as usual. i don't think jamie or mrs. b had nervous breakdowns before our show- if they did, they were not nearly as pronounced as usual. and everyone had their outfits and we did our costume change just fine...i was impressed. even if it wasn't the very best or loudest we'd ever done our routine, the fact that we were approaching organization was impressive to me. of course, to people who haven't been in show choir before, it probably didn't seem organized or calm or rational, but believe me, it was so much more so than it has been in years past. i think it has a lot to do with the fact that show choir seems to have a much better chemistry this year than years past. no catfights or anything, and though people have quit, it hasn't thrown us off too badly.

but the problems came afterward, with the sound, as always. i don't feel like typing the whole experience out again, so i shall just say this: rachel, we love you! *hug* we need a new sound system, we need people who know how to use everything about the sound system, and people who have no business in the sound room DO NOT BELONG IN THERE. okay, i'm done.

Why are there so many songs about rainbows?

Slaphappily Crazily Talking

2005-03-19T22:54:00.000-08:00

THere's a philosophy theory that says your true self is only revealed flashes at a time, when you do things that you can't explain, because you just had to. i forget who said that, it was one of those ten people on that one contemporary perspectives chapter. actually, less than ten, because it was a guy. anyway, his name isn't the point. i think, that your true self isn't just revealed in sudden flashes, its also revealed when you're tired. i have come to the conclusion, by seeing how i become slaphappy and can't control my thoughts and talk to myself much more when i'm tired, that your true self also comes out when you're tired. see, the parts of your brain that you use to keep your behavior in line with what society deems it should be (ie, not talking to yourself, thinking bad thoughts, laughing at stupid jokes) fall asleep, even though the rest of you is still awake. therefore, your behavior is much less controlled, leading to slaphappiness, strange thoughts, and other general 'craziness'.

what else was i going to say...there was something...it was there...really it was....i swear...really...oh! i was at work tonight and i was practicing some little show choir move and robyn looked at me strangely. i told her i was practicing for show choir. she said something like 'oh, your in show choir? we used to have a show choir.' and i was confused, because as far as i knew, loveland still had a very good show choir that had been around for a while. i asked her what she meant, and she said they didn't have show choir anymore. she said something about parents complaining about something...i don't know. how do you just get rid of a program like that? and as far as i was aware it was a good program, both middle and high school. what on earth could the parents have complained about that would lead to this....? i suppose it doesn't affect me at all, really, i just thought that was really really odd. i wonder if mrs. b. knows?

i had a rude customer today. she had a big order, and i rang it all up right, and then she asked for cigarettes. virginia slim menthol light 120s (i know, theres a crazy amount of types of cigarettes). so i went over to get them, but we were out. as far as i could see, we had every other kind of virinia slims- regular light 120s, menthol ultra light 120s, but no menthol light 120s. so i went back and told her that, asked her if she wanted another kind but she just got frustrated and said our store was getting horrible about having cigarettes. i let that slide, because it was against the company, not me, and i had already noticed she was in a horrible mood. so i franked her check, gave her her receipt, have a nice day, all that jazz, and she left, or so i thought. i was in the middle of my next customer when she came back and said, in a very rude tone of voice, 'just so you know, you do have those cigarettes right on the shelf'. if i hadn't been in the middle of an order i might have gone over and asked her where exactly she saw them, because the kind she had asked for weren't there, and i'd had her repeat it for me twice, since the name was so long, so it wasn't that she said the wrong thing. robyn told me a couple minutes later that she'd thought the lady was extremely rude too, especially for coming back to tell me that, especially considering she hadn't looked closely enough to see that they weren't even really there. oh well. when she came back up i just shrugged and ignored her and let her ruin her own day with her bad mood. thats usually the best way to deal with those people who insist on being incredibly pessimistic and rude.

Make no little plans. They have no magic to stir men's blood and probably themselves will not be realized. Make big plans.

Two Cheers for Drama!

2005-03-18T22:41:00.000-08:00

Hip hip hooray for drama! hip hip hooray for drama! It was a great play, if you have not seen it today, you should definitely see it tomorrow or monday. i may in fact sneak into the performance monday if i can find a person to give me a ride back home, because i want to see it again but i'm working tomorrow. Everybody did a super job. Corey was great, April was great, Ashley was great, and everyone else that i don't know personally were really good as well. It was extremely funny, and confusing. very confusing. but very funny. the long strong wong hong kong tong gong thong. hehe. (did i get that right). the only thing i really didn't get is if *SPOILER WARNING SPOILER WARNING* daphne was really the first bride the whole time, why did she and Jabez go through that whole deal about Revealing THe Curse when they were all alone? unless they were doing that in case the killer was eavesdropping? if anyone has a thorough understanding of the play *cough*Corey*cough*, please explain. *SPOILER OVER, SPOILER OVER*. anyway, amy is desperate for me to get offline, because garret might call. and their not allowed to see each other anymore, and garret can only call on thursday nights, but apparently he called tonight to. oh heavens! so i'll be nice now and go (actually, it's not that nice, because i only said i'd disconnect while i was typing, and now that i'm no longer typing...)

have you been half asleep, and have you heard voices? i've heard them calling my name. is it the same sound, that calls the young sailor? the two may be one and the same. i've heard it too many times to ignore it, its something that i'm s'posed to be. someday i'll find it, the rainbow connection, the lovers, the dreamers, and me. All of us under this spell, we know that its probably magic.

Dreams: Sign of Future or Sign of Obsession?

2005-03-18T15:24:00.000-08:00

i am much relieved. after panicking all morning about my optional algebra final and my homework that is probably not worth a letter grade and my last test that might not have gotten a 94, i realized that with the way he's grading our optional final, as long as i did a good job i'd be alright. and i'm pretty sure i did, although i wish he'd given us back our last tests. Humph. and i just realized the computers in UCC library don't have a calculator on them. geez. oh well.

I had a very strange dream last night. It was very strange, but i was extremely happy with what was going on in the dream. it was the kind of dream where, even though whats going on is logically impossible, you are completely convinced it is real, then you half wake up, and even though you're still in the dream, you realize you're dreaming and it just kind of stops. thats probably why i didn't want to get up this morning. i kept burrowing down in my blankets repeating the dream in my head and trying to fall back into it. there was only one thing about the dream i would have changed, really. now i'm just wondering if i dreamed about it because it's actually going to happen or i dreamed about it because i was thinking about it yesterday and have been obsessing over it for a while? unfortunately for you curious people out there, i'm only revealing the dream if i get some kind of sign that it is a sign of things to come as opposed to obsession. sowwy.

yesterday morning i went to ihop with phyl, rachel, miles, and krystal. it was lots of fun, and we decided we needed to have a movie night. i think krystal said a sunday would be good... we need to all go bowling, too. we did that once last year.

There was a hoop snake that bit its own tail. "Sure it hurts, but now you can roll!"

There's a Complex Under My Bed

2005-03-16T21:46:00.000-08:00

I think we as human beings may know too much about how our brains thoughts and emotions work. a lot of times, i think knowing so much about how we work causes us to give complicated explanations to our behavior that are really unneeded, they just give us extra complexes that just confuse us a bit more. that said, i'm taking introduction to psychology next quarter. :) lifes just full of paradoxes, isn't it? i like that word, it paints an interesting picture in my head, because i start to think paradise, then i think oxymoron/hypocritical, and i come up with a series of twisted up upside down little islands.

oh, i haven't talked about this on here yet, have i? last friday, at work, i was working with philip and sarah and a few other people. philip was teasing sarah gently, and i was thinking back to a week or so ago when sarah had been complaining about how hyper philip had been. i hadn't really noticed, and i realized that he bugged her more than anyone else. i came to the conclusion that maybe philip liked sarah, and not Five Minutes after i thought that, he gave her a bouquet of flowers. We were all laughing and talking about it for like twenty minutes after he left, it was so sweet. he says he's going to ask her out to dinner soon. all at once now: aaawww. (and yes, the ironies of this have already been pointed out to me by rachel, and no, i actually didn't realize they were there until she pointed them out).

When all the other ducks are standing in a line, I'll be the one in the back dancing.

Demons, but isn't Daemons such a prettier looking word?

2005-03-10T18:41:00.000-08:00

After posting my own blog, and especially reading my friends blogs, i've come to the conclusion that everyone has their own set of daemons, and its nice to realize that, because mine aren't any worse than anyone elses, and everyones insecure sometimes, i'm not the only one. (and i realize it should be spelled demons, because daemons are a part of your soul in pullmans books..well, i guess that would fit here..but pullmans were generally good daemons. oh well, it looks cooler).

I would like to announce that amy has received her birthday present ON TIME this year. yes, there are three wrapped candles sitting on the table for her from me, i'm not giving her her present in july this year. she's getting a laptop from my grandpa, and it looks really nice. much newer than the one i have, but ah well. mine works. as long as i could get a USB CABLE and adapter to connect the printer thats been lying under my bed for TWO YEARS to my laptop, i'll be okay. actually, wait, i do need to get it checked out because the charger isn't making contact with the computer when i plug it in anymore. i have to duct tape it just right or it won't charge, and i have a sneaking suspicion thats not very good for the charger or the laptop.

i also finished my research paper on fairy tales. yay! but that means i should go do algebra study sheets. boo. i could work on my speech, that would be fun. or copy philosophy notes, which would be horribly not fun. oh, and if anyone has any ideas at all on how to design and build a car that can travel ten meters forward carrying a water bottle, drop it off, then return to the place it started, please let me know. or abby, or rob lowe, or mike voto, or nick. please.

i had a riddle...it wasn't the step one, it was something i heard today. and i thought, oh, surely someone i know will appreciate this. and now i cant remember. hum. oh! it wasn't a riddle, more of a trick. take your right foot and turn it in clockwise circles. clockwise, mind you. now take your right hand and draw a six in the air. your foot went counter clockwise there, didn't it! haha! i can't do it either. ah well. a good day to you all.

For the world as it is depicted in the fairy tale is not the world of miracles and magicians, but that of the great and final justice about which children and people of all times have dreamed.

Waiter Waiter Percolator

2005-03-09T22:15:00.000-08:00

firstly, i would like to thank you in advance for pardoning all typos, because i'm tired and am not feeling my best. cindale needs to update her fanfic. oh, and please excuse all random statements. in my head, they're not as random as they seem, but i'm a bit out there right now. i haven't been in the best of moods since show choir. its actually not the fault of anyone at practice, its more a mad at myself type deal, for my innate quietness. a bunch of thoughts are going through my head right now, and im trying to figure out what the best order would be to write them down in that would make sense without sounding any crazier than the whole thing actually is. the best thig to start explaining, i guess, would be that i've always been an extremely quiet person (i must have said this a thousand times during my life, but i always feel the need to repeat it. it explains something, somehow, although i can't explain it in itself). as i got older, i thought i outgrew it, but recently i've been finding that i've hidden it rather than actually eliminating it. it manifests itself in a variety of places, but its almost always in the form of a wall of some sort. i feel like theres a wall stopping me or separating me or both or more at times. so to apply this to today's practice, ...oh wait, i left out an important part i just realized was very connected to this. as long as i can remember being around outher peopel, i've felt very wathced and judged and critiqued. and being the perfectionist that i am, i don't like to make mistakes, and i hate it when people know i make mistakes. maybe some of you see where this is going when applied to show choir? once again lets pause while i explain this in my head first......alright, i might have it. today, as one of the last practices before our first concert, there is sudden panic over the fact that we aren't singing loudly enough for the mikes to pick us up. now when i sing by myself, completely...i won't say that i'm really loud, but i'm not whispering the way i am on stage. and i feel really guilty about the fact that i seen quietly whenever other people are around, especially when we're performing, and i really do try to sing out. but first the innately quiet part of me puts up its wall, which in my experience can be as bad as the Berlin Wall, but then the perfectionist part of me pops up with the part of me that constantly feels everyone's judging me and reinforces that and its like mounting the Great Wall of CHina. all on top of the fact that singing is physically hard for anyone because we're dancing. it doesn't stop there, though. the people that can and do sing out always get so frustrated with the people who arent singing out, not that i blame them , i get frustrated enough with myself, as i think i said. especially poor jamie, she breaks down in tears every year. and i want to go over and give her a hug like april and maggie, but along with my quitness comes innate shyness, hand and hand. i have enough trouble giving my best friends hugs when they're upset and need them, i can't do it with people i don't know as well, even though i've known jamie since fourth grade (it's harder, actually, with people i used to know better than i do now. but thats anotuher topic). it one of those cases where i can sense a wall separating me from other people so much i can practically see it. its as though i can actually feel that wall or some force associated with it holding me in my seat. then, as always, the judgement voice chimes in saying that i can't help anyway because i'm not singing out and i'm one of the people frustrating her. and i just can't shake those voices from my head, they've always been there. and here cindale comes in a bit, even though she is in no way related to show choir by any stretch of the imagination that i know of. when i came home i should have worked on my research paper thats do friday. or notes for algebra or philosophy, or my speech. especially my paper though, as thats due soonest. but as i have explained, i wasn't feeling great physically (headache) or mentally (the trials explained above) and any attempt at working would have made it worse and been poorly done anyway. so i moped for a few minutes getting a snack, then i turned to a source of comfort that i had thought of- hp. laugh if you will (and don't deny it, i know you all are), but i have been rereading the potter series and had recently begun the third one. when i began rereading them, i rediscovered just how magical they really were and how the potter world lingered in my brain even after i'd put down the books and left me in a better, more magical mood. i'd either never quite noticed that or forgotten that every other time i'd read them. so instead of working on my paper, i spent the three hours following practice finishing the prisoner of azkaban. and it is remarkable that the book did soothe my nerves and put me in a better mood, remarkable because the third book is full of last minute twists for the worst at the end, and when you read it knowing what lies ahead, its nerve wracking, for me anyway, but it still helped me, because i know that world inside and out, and even though horrible things happen in that universe, and the last book ended with the worst thing of all and things are incredibly uncertain and honestly no one is sure whether harry even will live or die at the end- even with all that, in the harry potter world, i know everything will be okay, and everything is safe. i dn't know where on earth that assurance comes from, but its there, and it helps me. i find it in other books too, actually, like the circle of magic. its a simialr situation- horrible thins happen (rosethourn at the end of briars book, anyone?) but i know that there is no safer place than that book. sometimes i'd like to live in fairy tale land. other times, i think so much reading can be an unhealthy addiction. and times like now, when i actually am thinking about my research paper at least in part, i remember that the fairy tale world is actually a very violent place, and is one that i need to go research.

Kites rise highest against the wind, not with it.

Warning, controversial topics cause controversy...

2005-03-07T20:42:00.000-08:00

I'm just full of topics today. to start with, i have new poems posted on deviantart. secondly, i can't complain that i hardly ever see anyone other than mrs. mcarthy at kroger anymore because phyl came on thursday and yesterday i had mrs. beresford, my middle school librarian, and mrs. conn, my fifth grade teacher, come through my line right after each other. and mrs. conn remembered me! that made me happy. (but i don't think anyone knows who mrs conn is, do you? unless travis or abby is reading this, or maybe krystal is...) i've also written down every little thing that is floating around in my head so the stress of having to remember these things is taken away (although i do still think about them, because they've yet to be done.) ready? here we go.

Write research paper (due friday)
Make algebra notes to use on test (due friday)
Catch up on algebra homework (due next friday)
Write my speech (due monday)
Review my philosophy notes and STUDY (due monday)
Get scholarship information
Create a filing system for scholarship information
Get Edifi in order
Email Abby and Corey about meeting with senators
Call Mrs. Krueger about setting up tutoring program for math
Work on duct tape prom dresses with Rachel
Put kroger card on key chain (hey! that ones done!)
Work on my begley story
Sell Avon (due wednesday)
Write down celebrity story
Finish essay about silence
Email professor Hinton so she knows when i'm taking the final
Turn in calendar money to Jan (due a long time ago!)
Figure out how the heck to build our science challenge car
Email senators the letter i wrote on TRIO day
Register for SAT
Send in my taxes
Confirm college visit to University of Evansville
Talk to Grandpa about Hollins Literary Day
Buy Amy's birthday present (due Thursday)
Put looseleaf paper in binder (due Wednesday)
Get a flannel shirt (due next Monday)
Submit poems, stories, and essays to Cicada

I warned you! it is a long and varied list, and all of that has been bumping around in my head saying finish me, finish me! and its better now that i wrote it down, because i don't have to remember it on top of finishing it. i keep adding to it too, and if i actually use this list it could become quite handy. although, it's written on the back of a kroger receipt, and wastefully long as they are, i'm about out of room. hmm.

oh, and getting to the subject of my title. we were discussing our controversial speeches that we will be presenting next week, and that was very interesting. we had some good discussions. the person i was talking most with has refined his topic from "gay marriage is a sin and should not be allowed" to "gay marriage will undermine and demean the institution of marriage" (i think his is the most controversial). i kept bringing up counterarguments that he would need to tackle in his speech to convince me (not that i think anyone could really, because of the different friends i have). he almost backed out of doing it, but i think he's going to go for it. i am doing the no child left behind act, but i'm wondering if anyone in the class is actually against it (that's probably just the fact that i'm surrounded by people at home and high school who oppose it, though, there could be college students who agree with it). i don't want to give a controversial speech that everyone agrees with, becuase that would defeat the purpose. i think eric's doing animal control, jacob might be doing the immigration policy, he hasn't decided yet, someone's doing that everyone in america should speak english...it'll be a very interesting night. my biggest problem will be just sitting and listening, and not being able to argue. i love arguments just for the sake of arguing, and especially when you truly disagree and are knowledgeable enough about the subject to effectively argue your point, it's hard (really really hard) for me to just not say anything. Karen (teacher) has said that we can stay after to talk about it though, so there's a good thing. anyway, i think i'm out for tonight.

To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.

Inspector Gadget Strikes Again

2005-03-04T23:07:00.000-08:00

Inspector Gadget came through my line again. no other celebrities to report as yet. I had an interesting thought at work- a breakthrough, if you will. I've always thought it a bit odd that i hardly ever get depressed (i don't mean seriously, as in clinically depressed, just the every now and then type deal). Every once in a while though, when I'm thinking of certain things, I get this really intense feeling...i never really thought of it as sadness, just really intense and powerful. intense is really the best word for it. it makes me feel as though the answers to everything are available to me when i feel that way, if only the words were there as well, and if they were there too i could write forever. Anyway, i was feeling a bit like that at work (it helped that i was already half off in my own world) and i realized, hey, the thoughts that are leading to these feelings really aren't very happy thoughts. so maybe that intense feeling is just my depression. if so, i'll gladly take it over just feeling sad. it's much deeper, and inspirational, which is a great plus if i'm going to be sad anyway. it distracts from the sadness, too, if i'm trying to find the words to describe it. anyway, what else was i going to say....

oh yes! i found this on deviantart.com, but i think it will work in this forum as well (plus, it's a sneaky way to try to get more comments.). anyway, here it is.

stolen from ~UnlivableSquire
Ask me 4 questions.
Any 4, no matter how personal, private or random.
I have to answer them honestly. I have to answer them all.
In turn, you post this message in your own journal and you have to answer the questions that are asked to you.
change the name of where you got this, to the person you got this from if you take the challenge.

Comments are wonderful!

Some days you're the pigeon, some days you're the statue.

Flying Tubes of Elidel Contaminated by Herpes Victims

2005-03-02T19:02:00.000-08:00

Math class was highly amusing today. Our professor, as he sometimes does, picked up a random object that was lying around near the front of the room. Today, it was a tiny tube of Elidel. He was musing aloud about what it was used for. I knew i recognized the name from some tv commercial, but i couldn't quite remember what it treated. a girl behind me jokingly suggested it was medication for herpes, and he tossed it across the room as though it had caught fire. We were teasing him about how he could have it on his hands now, and he had to go wash his hands, that kind of thing. it was really funny too, the way he was looking at his hands all uncertain like. he ended going online to check what elidel was, we made him so paranoid. he couldn't really concentrate till he'd done that. it was amusing. (oh, and elidel is used for eczema, for those curious. not contagious or STD related in anyway).

Save one person, and you save an entire world.

Topics from a hat....er, pocket.

2005-03-01T21:10:00.000-08:00

This is either going to be a very short entry or a very long entry. either way, it will be a very random entry. see, whenever i'm at work, i think of things and i tell myself 'oh, i can talk about that on my blog.' then, a few hours or days or weeks later, i'm sitting in front of a computer and i'm thinking 'i know there was something i was going to talk about...' and i hardly ever remember what it was. so, i came up with a solution. whenever we sign on or off of our register at work, and we have to sign off and on again during long periods of no customers, it prints a tiny slip of paper with the time and other random numbers on it. these slips of paper are annoying, but my idea was to jot down all my 'blog thoughts' on these little slips of paper, so i don't forget them later. it's like drawing topics out of a hat, really, is what it feels like (see, its already working- i have 'topic out of the hat' written on a little slip of paper).

My line of famous celebrities continues to grow. This time, it was...well, i didn't really figure it out. i knew i'd seen someone who looked a lot like him on television or in a movie, but i couldn't figure it out. regardless, he was there. Also at work today, we were running out of register tape. for those of you who are unaware, register tape is the paper we print receipts on. i think i might have gotten the last complete roll (oh no, that was annie, she got one that had been stuck up with the front office. anyway, thats beside the point.). The point is, there were no more rolls of tape. Someone ran out, so they stole the tape out of register 7, because we weren't using that one. later, cory had to do a pickup on register 7, which involves printing out a piece of paper that says how much money is in the till (this papers only about an inch or two long, mind). but since we were out of register tape, and 7's had been taken, he had to take the tape out of my register, put it in 7, print the piece of paper, and put the tape back in my register. it was so pathetic it was funny. during that time i got a customer, too, but i couldn't do anything till i got my tape back. Also extremely funny was when Katie ran smack dab into the automatic door. i saw it out of the corner of my eye, but i didn't comprehend it until everyone was completely cracking up laughing. It was like one of those windex commercials, with the crows.

I might write more later, but house is on, so bye for now.

Put your rainbows wherever makes you happy.

Deriving Ominous Numbers

2005-02-25T23:49:00.000-08:00

Yay. I got my algebra test back, and i got a 97. much better than my first test, which i forgot about, thus got a 68, and my second one, which i didn't finish studying for completely, thus a 79. I get to drop the 68 and add my last test (i'm presuming it will be above 68) and if it's a 94 or higher i get an a for the quarter. if i get a 64 or above and do a sufficient job on my homework, i'll get an a for the quarter. but if i get a 94 or higher i don't need the homework. not going to rely on that though, too much at stake (okay, so it's an A vs. B situation- for me thats huge). and it's really incredibly pathetic that i figure this out so meticulously and quickly, but i'm okay with that. (it's also incredibly pathetic that i like philosophy, but thats a different topic in more ways than one).

i'm trying to finetune an idea for a personal essay i'm writing for a scholarship. it's supposed to mimic the "My Turn" essay in newsweek. write something about something you've gone through that would apply or could be applied to the general public, or try to persuade the general public to agree with you about something. i was going to do the persuasive about upward bound or nclb or some environment thing, but when i looked at the winning essays, every single one was about a personal experience. and i agree, those are more fun to read and are more moving, and are easier and more fun to write, in a way. so anyway, this idea i had...something about silence- how most people see it and how it really is...how it can be there even when it's not quiet...how it can be overcome and how it just keeps hanging on...-something along those lines.

speaking of writing, i still haven't come up with a poem for that title- i wear a rubber band around my wrist to remind me of things that i mean to forget. it's amazing i haven't written on this yet- well, no, i can't say that, because thoughts of a cashier was about this- but i haven't written any poems on it. actually, i've been able to forget about it for the most part. its a relief because im no longer driving myself insane, but now there's no driving force behind any possible actions...then again, there never was, it was all in my head. so i'm just not driving myself insane anymore, which is a good thing (and now that i've said that it will come back. ah well. maybe something will happen outside my head this time around. i think i'd die of shock.)

Do not seek to reach the level of the wise men. Seek what they sought.

Muppets Rock!

2005-02-23T14:50:00.000-08:00

Famous people continue to stream through Kroger- yesterday i got a person who sounded just like kermit the frog. if you don't know who kermit is...you have led a very deprived childhood. i grew up watching the muppet movie (i've always loved his song about rainbows, although lately i like gonzo's song as well), muppet christmas carol (i didn't realize there were other versions of the movie until middle school, and i still don't like the other ones), videos of the muppet show, and the cartoon with muppets as kids. kermit has always been my favorite, followed closely by gonzo and fozzie. i never liked miss piggy much.

what else was i going to say...oh, i have another poem up on deviantart, as well as several pics. ummmm...running out of time and topics, so short entry today.

Everyone says you are responsible for those you love. Others know you are responsible for those who love you.

Speech Class=Self Esteem

2005-02-22T12:21:00.000-08:00

I'm going to be very sad in a month when i leave my speech class and algebra teacher. i've already talked about my algebra class, but i don't think i've ever mentioned my speech class. its at night, so i'm the only high school student in there. none of the other people in the class had ever heard of pseo, so they're all amazed that i'm taking college classes while still in hs (most of them are adults who are returning to college). i love that class, because every time i give a speech, everyone is like 'wow, i can't believe you're still in high school' 'i never would have been able to do that at sixteen- heck, i can't do it now' and so on and so forth. they act as though i'm god's gift to studenthood, but its fun. its also amazing because you see people like tom giving these awesome speeches, where you don't think they can be at all nervous and you'd think they were stand up comics for a living, but they think you did better than them, or so and so did better than them, and you see that you're just doing the same self criticism that they are, and you're not really as bad as you think. for example, i could feel my voice shaking when i gave my speech, but not one person noticed that other than me. its really neat.

I'm in my own world, but it's okay, they know me here.

You should visit me at Kroger, because famous celebrities shop here

2005-02-19T13:09:00.000-08:00

Alternate titles:
~'Does that actually taste like orange juice?' 'It did until i refilled it with water.'
~Kids say the cutest things

Famous movie and television stars shop at my kroger. its true. yesterday, i had three celebrity look a likes come through my lane. First was Shooter from Secret Winder. Okay, his was more just a faint resemblance, but the hat made it perfect. Second was a guy i've had before, who i swear looks just like inspector gadget, before he had any gadgets. third was a guy who looked like house, from one of my favorite television shows, house. if you're looking for famous athletes, though, i've been informed the place to go is walmart- especially football stars. these even include the likes of...that one guy, who was a bengal then became a patriot...yah, him.

I also had a sweet kid come through my line near the end of my shift yesterday. She was about eight, i think, and by then most kids (at least the ones in my lines) have outgrown their cute inquisitiveness and pretty much ignore the cashier, preferring to give their whole attention to the candy. she was different. the very first thing she said to me was "you're purdy" just like that. then she noted my braces, and asked if i had to wear them forever. she asked a bunch of other questions, too, which from other kids might have been annoying, but with her was cute. then she told me i was pretty again, and i said she was pretty too. and she was, she had the long ringlets and a little cowgirl outfit going on. she said she wasn't, and i said 'yes you are', then she told me i was 'pretty the mostest'. she was so cute. she just made me smile. aaaaaaand......thats it.

Don't frown- you never know who's falling in love with your smile.

Smart Aleck Entry

2005-02-17T22:19:00.000-08:00

I decided it was time for a smart aleck entry, just for fun. These are mostly about work. Okay, they're all about work.

Modern mushrooms. Why are they called Modern mushrooms? How are they different, as opposed to traditional mushrooms? I don't see any difference. Oh wait! I do believe they're smaller than the other mushrooms. And as we all know, modern boom boxes are smaller. modern computers are smaller. modern cell phones are smaller. i believe i see a trend here.

Price confusion. Whenever a customer says a price is different from what the computer says, this is the failproof solution: you should stare, slightly puzzled, at the object in question, glancing confusedly at the receipt a few times. As we all know, by staring at the object in question, it will reveal its true price to you, in such a way that even the customer shall not question it. This is why this is the automatic response of all cashiers to such a problem.

Pricing arguments. This is not to be confused with the previous entry. Here, we are referring to the produce section, and whether items should be priced by weight or quantity. As everyone should know, this is decided long before the customer reaches the checkout lane, by a person far removed from the cashier, who has no control over what this person instructed the computer to do (it is a common misconception that cashiers can control their cash registers. this is far from true- we have very unruly computers with very independent personalities). And since everyone knows this, no one would ever dream of arguing with the cashier about how because the heads of lettuce are different sizes (imagine that) they should be weighed instead of counted. this really puts both the cashier and the customer in a horrible position- the cashier is forced to admit she has no control over her computer and the customer holds up the line and is revealed to be rude and stubborn and impatient and- ultimately- wrong.

If sarcasm is a form of speech, it is an art. Therefore, I am an artiste.

I wear a rubber band around my wrist To remind me of things that I mean to forget

2005-02-14T14:28:00.000-08:00

There's a poem in there somewhere.

I worked in floral yesterday, and developed a much greater appreciation for roses that are still perfect come valentines day, because most of ours are drooping. i saved some of the petals and leaves from the bad ones we threw away for a photo idea i had. the pics (i think it'll be a series) will be on my gallery as soon as i get the film developed. i need a digital camera, they're faster. I like working floral, especially when it's busy there, because i feel much more productive than when i'm running a register. also, even though i worked eight hours, it went by a lot faster in floral than it would on a register. plus, the floral department smells pretty and fresh. it's colorful too, with great big balloons. they've also got the softest (and most expensive) stuffed animals you'll ever see, which you can play with while you pretend to work under the pretense that you are fixing the display. Also decided that the people who believe valentines day is just a commercial holiday are right and in the extremely small majority.

I'm still crusading for upward bound. i emailed dan to make sure he thought petitions were a good idea. i need a better and shorter explanation of my petition though. suggestions and comments are welcome, as always.

you're just jealous because the Voices only talk to me.

karaoke and valentines

2005-02-12T13:10:00.000-08:00

karaoke nite was great. near the end i started catching whispers that someone was being punished, but i ignored them, because i was having fun and didn't want to be depressed by something like that. i was very happy because rachel and corey were talking and laughing again, which i know made both of them happy. i started getting sad because phyl started to go off in one of his moods, but i don't think we lost him completely, we tried very hard to distract him, and i think it worked. and, of course, my wonderful revenge valentine to rachel went off beautifully, and i think we have a thing for publicly humiliating our friends in ways that no one else understands (rachel and heidi, me and rachel, etc.). i also figured out that i think i feed off of other people's emotions- i don't get frustrated usually, unless everyone else around me is frustrated. other people being depressed makes me depressed. other people being happy makes me happy. and i have to run off to work as soon as my dad gets home, so i'll stop now. its a shame i work 1:30-10 on such a nice day. ah well.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine....

the meaning of TRIO day

2005-02-11T14:41:00.000-08:00

Next saturday, February 26, 2005, is TRIO day. i've never paid much attention to TRIO day before, really. '03 was cool because we got that neat band to play, but '04 was quite honestly boring. I get the feeling that this year, it will be much more meaningful. Say, for example, that 9/11 had happened near the end of june instead of september- July 4 would have meant so much more to us, right? well its the same this year with trio day and this legislation, but let me back up a bit here.
i'll start by explaining what trio day is. actually, no, first i'll explain the trio programs. they include upward bound, ets, and i think three other programs that are all geared towards helping students succeed in college. ub and ets are geared towards high school kids, the others i think are towards college students and adults returning to college. trio day was first instated twenty years ago to commemorate the efforts of all the students, teachers, parents, directors, and volunteers who saved the trio programs from being cut from the budget, are at least from being substantially decreased.
now, for the legislation. president bush wants to ELIMINATE upward bound and ets from the budget. eliminate. completely. not just downsize. the reason he wants to do this is to make room for the High School Initiative, which, as far as i can tell from the us department of education website, is the high school section of the no child left behind act. the money saved will go towards holding high schools more accountable and intervening on the behalf of the students. when taken in context with the nclb act, i believe this can be taken to mean two things- more standardized testing and more school vouchers. even when i ignore the fact that i am very definitely opposed to stand. testing and vouchers, i must ask- What is the point of holding high schools accountable for and intervening on the behalf of students if those students are not being motivated to pursue higher education?
and i shall leave the discussion here for today, before i go off on a rant. however, if anyone would like to voice their opinion on this matter, Senator Mike DeWine is on the committee reviewing this legislation and Representative Portman is the voice in the US House for brown and clermont counties. also, i have petitions if you would like to sign your support or take one to get others to sign.

I Thought I Had a Topic

2005-02-07T14:41:00.000-08:00

The other day i was thinking, and i thought to myself, i should post this on my blog. now i cannot remember what those thoughts were.......oh! when we were touring the islamic center with UB, one of our tour guides explained the head scarves to us, and her explanation was rather enlightening. I had always thought that the scarves were a symbol of male dominance, basically, that the women were submissive. it's really kind of the opposite of that. she said that by wearing the scarves and otherwise covering themselves up, they are being modest and forcing men to view them as intelligent, indepedent equals, rather than just sex objects. i thought, 'huh.' and the more i thought about it, the more it seemed like that made sense.
i think there was something else i was going to post, but i can't think of it now. hmm. i got into nhs...i'm still rank 2, because they haven't added pseo to the transcript (if they are not weighted, i will...ooooh, that guidance office is going to be...in trouble, thats all i'll say)....yah, can't think of anything.

Do great things in your life, but do small things as well.

old thoughts and freewrites and writers block

2005-01-31T14:22:00.000-08:00

This is just a bit of random stuff i wrote a little over a year ago when i was in a creative writing class. we were having a free write, and my attempts at poetry were just giving me writers block, hence, this result of jumbled thoughts. i found it while searching my desk drawer for a birthday card i need to find by spring, and i decided to post it here. so enjoy. or not. doesn't really matter.

Outside the Lines

When someone gives you lined paper,
write the other way

What if....everyone was always honest? Would tact and sarcasm still be allowed? If everyone were honest-gracefully so-would the world be a better place?

What is it about stars? What do we see in the nigh sky to fascinate us so? It's always there, and, albeit rotation, always the same. (at least, it appears so, to the unscientific eye) Is it that we know they're always there, even when clouds cover them? Is it that they go on forever, for an eternal distance no numbers or words can express? Is it that distance that fills us with emotionand sends a vague chill down our spines as we look up? Or is it something else , something about the tiny pinpricks of light that inspire us? Or is it only me?

That's all she wrote, there is no more.

If sarcasm is a form of speech, it is an art. Therefore, I am an artist.

buy your VALENTINE-O-GRAMS, buy one today.

2005-01-29T22:44:00.000-08:00

I'm happy, i got my letter people stuff in the mail today. most people think i'm nuts for ordering stuff off of ebay for this six year old girl that i only see for thirty minutes every week, even the directors of OhioReads (tutoring program). but i'm okay with that. the only thing is, the cd has one song for each letter, which i guess is all i really need, but i wish it had the song about how Mr. C and Mr. K settled their differences. see, my kindgtn teacher used the letter people to teach us our letters, and we would color our worksheets as she played the songs, and she promised that on the last day of school, she would play the song about how Mr. C and Mr. K settled their differences (they got into fights because they made the same sound but couldn't decide which went where) but she never played it. it made me sad, and i've always wondered how that song actually went. rather sad, and pathetic, but there you are.
i'm also happy because jennifer (amy's best friend, and i'm practically related to her, she's over here so much. she went through a stage where she actually called our dad "half-daddy, but that's another story.) bought two valentine o grams from me.......uhoh, hang on, i can't remember where i put the money she gave me........be right back. okay, it's on my desk. stop panicking now. anyway, as i was saying, valentine o grams are being sold by the church across the street from the high school. i'm selling them to raise money so that i can go with them on a mission trip to mexico this summer. the idea is that the person buying the val. o gram writes a personal message, that we print out on a nice piece of paper and deliver to their door. that costs five dollars. you can also order cookies (another $5), a carnation ($2), a heart sucker ($0.50), or a song ($2). the song choices are "you are my sunshine" "i love you truly" and "beautiful dreamer". if you want to request a special song, it costs $10 instead of 2 because we have to find it and learn it special, etc etc. they'll be delivered on Friday the 11th from 6-8 or Saturday the 12th from 12-5. Since karaoke nite might be that friday, i'm going to see if jan (youth pastor) will let us deliver them to the high school if the person is at karaoke nite- drag the person up on stage and sing to them...that would be fun :D. if you want more information or want to order one (hint, hint) email me at sarai_kristi@yahoo.com. i have to have the orders in by the feb. 6. that's all for today, folks.

love will die if held too tightly. love will fly if held too lightly. tightly, lightly, how do i know Whether i'm holding or letting love go?

The Universe Is Set Against Us...But We Won

2005-01-28T14:22:00.000-08:00

This morning me and Rachel left the high school at 9:15 as usual. She had forgotten her lunch money, so we stopped at her house, which is basically on the way, for "half a minute". Unfortunately, her driveway was icy, and the car slipped off the ice onto the snow as we were leaving her house. her mom came out to help, and put a board underneath the left front wheel, because it was still slipping on the ice. i guess the board was too thick or something, because instead of gripping the board, the car somehow turned it around and shot it all the way up to the house, a distance of about ten yards (probly a little less, i'm bad at such estimates). rachel's mom then went inside to get some cardboard, which wouldn't hurt her if the car shot that out as well (she was pushing the car from the front, and the board almost hit her). Somewhere along the lines, rachel slipped on the ice and fell, which didn't make matters any better. Thankfully, the cardboard worked, and we were on our not-so-merry way. We decided that if we went really fast (without crashing and dying) that we would still have time to stop at UDF like we usually do. We did so, and didn't seem to be too incredibly far behind. Then, however, we ran into construction- you know, the kind where they're blocking one lane and they've got guys holding STOP/SLOW signs. they were in our lane, so that slowed us down. then we went to turn onto...i forget the name of the road, it starts with a B...but anyway, there's the road we were on, and then road B intersects it at about a right angle. in one of the corners is a small parking lot that isn't really separated from the road, so it's easy to think you're turning into the street, but really turn into the parking lot. anyway, there was a truck stopped in the left lane of Road B, which didn't bother us, because we were turning into the right lane, of course. however, there was a guy in a van who was half in the parking lot and half in the right lane, with his window open talking to the guy in the left lane. they were completely blocking traffic (okay, so the only traffic was us and another car in the left lane of road B. not the point). he didn't even move until rachel honked her horn. it was extremely strange. but the amazing thing is, despite everything trying to stop us and make us late, we were definitely on time to our english class. Ta Da!

The writer seldom writes what he thinks. He writes what he thinks others think that he thinks.

Snow...snow...snow...and...more snow!

2005-01-21T23:30:00.000-08:00

I love snow. Almost all of my friends hate it, however. Well, at least half, anyway. Those that hate it keep telling me that when I start to drive, I'll hate the snow. That's not true. Anyway, if I was going to hate the snow, it wouldn't be because I started to drive- it would be because I started working at kroger. tonight was my second night working the night before a major snowfall forecast (first was before christmas). To give you a bit of perspective on how busy we were, we probably made more money than we did christmas eve. we were absolutely slammed.you hear about people raiding stores for bread and milk, you know, but you don't really know until you work at a grocery store. EVERYONE does their shopping the night before the storm because, if they don't, they'll be stuck at home by the snow for WEEKS AND WEEKS and they'll all STARVE. I feel sorry for the sensible people who just happen to be doing their shopping those nights- those poor folks who wait in line for twenty minutes to buy their five items.
Now I'm trying to find out if Upward Bound is cancelled for tomorrow....My dad said he saw it on the tv this afternoon, and that it was moved to next saturday...but i checked the tv just now, two different channels, and i didn't see it. and i don't know how else i'd find out, because they haven't passed out the phone trees for snow days. hmmm... i think i'll call the office just to see if there's a message that says.
if it is cancelled though, i won't be able to make it next saturday. at least, i shouldn't be able to...but then again i don't really know. we're supposed to be having a choir competition that day, but i'm not sure we're going. mrs. b. brought it up the other day, but i'm not sure if she said we weren't going or just concert choir wasn't going. i think she said that chamber was and concert wasn't, but i'm not sure. she doesn't seem nearly stressed enough for us to be going to contest in a week. and what songs would we sing? we turned in all of our christmas songs....vocalise (ha, that's funny, we wouldn't finish that in a week if we worked on it nonstop), phantom (that could be, we're close to done), girl from ipanema (not sure, we're kind of in the middle), sigh no more ladies (we haven't touched that in months, but i think we almost finished it), lift thine eyes (we'd have to work on that a lot to finish it by saturday), i dream a world (we finished that i think...but we still need to work on it)....yah....i'm not sure we have much to sing at competition if we went. i think i'll go email mrs. b now and ask her...i never found out what those people said about the show choir competion either, i'll ask her that too.

God must love stupid people, he made so many.

Theoretical Theories and Poetical Poems

2005-01-20T13:19:00.000-08:00

yes, i realize i just posted, but i remembered two things i've been meaning to post for a while, so i might as well do it now. firstly, i posted several poems on deviant art, they should all be under my recent deviations- saraikristi.deviantart.com. I love you abby for reviewing each and every one- thank you so much.
secondly, i have a theory about a best friend's role when their friend is involved in a breakup. this theory involves two scenarios: 1. the friend initiated the breakup because they no longer had romantic feelings toward their boy/girl friend, or 2. the friend was on the receiving end of a breakup, especially one where their boy/girl friend left them for something else. Now these theories are in no way necessarily true or tested. that's very important to remember. just a thought i had after observing one of each case.
SCENARIO ONE
let us presume that the friend who initiated the breakup wished to remain friends with their boy/girl friend, but their boy/girl friend is having a hard time with that and is very upset and basically ignoring the friend. Here, the best friend takes the responsibility of insisting that the boy/girl friend is being a complete and total jerk. While this is most likely an unfair portrayal, it competes with the image in the friend's mind, who, still being sympathetic towards the boy/girl friend, is likely to remember their boy/girl friend as more saintly than they really were. These two opposite images cancel each other out, leaving a more balanced portrayal of the boy/girl friend in the friend's mind.
SCENARIO TWO
i am too lazy to type out a neew scenario, so i shall just say that in this setup, the friend's boy/girl friend broke up with them for any number of reasons, but this works esp. well if it was for another person. then, the best friend does the same thing for the same reasons and...thats all. ta da. future philosopher at work.

we humans are a doltish lot. we want what we cannot have, miss what's right in front of our noses, and buy platform shoes on impulse when we know we'll never wear them more than once.

Inauguration Epiphany

2005-01-20T12:55:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting at home alone watching the inauguration ceremonies. i'm glad i'm by myself, actually, becaue everyone else would raise their eyes and start moaning and complaining. now that's all well and good, as i am nowhere near being bush's number one fan, but you know what, he won the presidency fair and square, so we should work with what we have. and now, the speech.

notes on speech
`applause for just saying everyones names?
`violence will gather as long as terrorists exist
`only one force can break this cycle
`oh, not us like i was expecting him to say- human freedom
`our liberty depends on liberty in other lands
`best hope for peace is expansion of freedom
`no master, no slave
`requirement of security, calling of time
`goal of ending tyranny in world- bit vague there
`not primarily cast of arms
`freedom must be chosen defended by citizens
`may reflect their customs, not ours
`not to impose, but help them find voice
`american voice is not unlimited- glad he realizes that
`most solemn duty to protect america
`just because ending tyranny is difficult, doesn't mean we should avoid it- true
`encourage reform in other governments
`succesful relations require decent treatment of their people
`reights must be more than grudging concessions of dictators
`no justice without freedom
`no rights without liberty
`past four decades are swiftest expanse of freedom-is that true?
`therefore, odd time to doubt freedom's global appeal
`to serve people, must trust them- do our politicians fully trust us?
`depend on help rely on counsel of allies- first part true, but the second?
`division among free countries is freedom's greatest enemy
`life fragile evil real courage triumphs
`unfinished work of freedom at home- true
`economic independence-necessary yes
`highest standards to school, honorship society- not openminded enough to go there yet
`greater freedom from want and fear
`public interest depends on private character- yes
`self government relies on governing of the self- oooh
`reference to more than just christian religion
`liberty of all doesn't mean independence from one another- good point
`must abandon all racism, cannot support freedom and bigotry at once

you know what.........forget, for a moment, your thoughts and opinions on Bush's policies. forget political party divisions and bias. forget your suspicion of all political figures. forget all that. if you have to, go back to 9/12/01, when everyone was a person. that was all and that was everything, because that was all that mattered. Think of Bush as a fellow person, nothing more and nothing less. now go read his speech. don't let yourself think about his past policies and decisions and personality and motives that you may or may not agree with. just think about the speech. now you may call them fanciful idealistic dreams if you wish, but i think they are something more. you may, in the wildly popular cynical view of government and politicians, say that he meant none of it and is only manipulating us for his career. you may say all this and more, i know my family would. but i won't, not anymore. why do we believe that every single politician is a conman, and none of them believe or mean anything they say? they are people same as us. and while some political people have been out and out scammers, we don't have to leap to the cynical conclusion that every politician is. i believe that Bush truly believes what he said in his speech. and you know what? when you just look at the ideas of it, which is all it really was, ideas, i agree with him. I may not agree with the way he is going about things, but, in my current moment of epiphany, i realize that i am generally on his side. it seems a bit scary, but it's true. i think that bush is fighting for what he thinks is right, and thats what i think is right too, generally. His state of the union address, when he goes through his plans point by point, i may disagree with a lot of things he says, but we're working towards the same end. we shall see how long my refreshed optimism will last outside in the big bad cynical world.

Barn's burnt down...Now I can see the moon.

Hey wow, I'm alive!

2005-01-10T23:02:00.000-08:00

Look at me! I'm here, alive and well. I survived giving my speech in class AND driving home from goshen kroger at night. amazing, absolutely amazing. a downright miracle in fact. i'm very relieved to have my speech over with, i was afraid it wasn't exactly what it was supposed to be about, but then i went near the end and heard everyone else's speech, and mine wasn't really off topic after all. the only really bad thing i did, actually, was i ended with "and that's it". our teacher has permission to throw erasers at us if we do that. i said it really quiet though, because i like started to say it, and realized i wasn't supposed to, but couldn't think of anything else, and faded off. next time, i'm going to take a lesson from emma, who went after me, and just end by thanking everyone for listening. but otherwise, everyone liked my speech. it was about how mr. begley left, and how his leaving showed me the way teachers view students leaving as opposed to how students view it. most of the class thought it was brave of me to give a speech where i was praising and sympathizing with my teachers, because in high school that's just not cool. i also had to explain that i was still in high school for the right message to come across, and everyone was really impressed that i was doing pseo. so yeah, i'm relieved. and not as worried about my next speech, although i still need a topic....i need to give advice based on a personal experience...any ideas?

God, give me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, the courage to change the things i can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Breathe In, Breathe Out, Don't Worry About Things You Can't Change

2005-01-07T23:00:00.000-08:00

He's there, the phantom of the oooperaaaaaa..........
these songs have been stuck in my head ALL WEEK! They are wonderful songs, but geesh. We listened to them in choir because we're singing them, and then because they are such cool songs we listen to them in Rachels car. so they are rather embedded in my head right now. maybe the weekend will get them out.
I have lots of money in my pocket. :D This makes me happy, because it means I have permission to get a cellphone. Tomorrow. And it is a cool flip phone with a color screen and no contracts. Neato. this means the added benefit of not being forgotten places as often. Whee.
Upward Bound is tomorrow. Yay. i can finally give abby her present, and i can tell her about what happened at youth group. i think i will tell her after all. my decision to tell her has also resulted in me having fun arguments inside my head with the person who doesn't want me to tell anyone. These arguments are fun because they involve me winning and telling him off, which is always fun, because i think i've actually told someone off, let's see...exactly...zero times, in my life. These tellings off, although they never happen, are always wonderfully scripted in my head. therein may lie part of the problem- last time i got close to telling someone off, their response was not at all what i expected from the script inside my head, and i was shocked into a silence that i now regret. aaaaaanyway.
speaking of school stuff (i was speaking of school stuff- upward bound, school, they're connected), I got my ACT scores back. I got a 32, which made me extremely happy. i hate actually telling people, because then i feel like i'm bragging, and i hate that, but this is different, because it feels like a journal. i would especially never brag about things like test scores or grades to amy, she stresses enough as it is and has some mild inferiority complex going on. of course, mr. salisbury, who, i would like to point out has NEVER has me in class, absolutely insists on talking about me in amy's class. he mentioned my test score, and although his facts were slightly off (he said 31) the idea is still the same and amy came off swearing that he had virtually said in front of the class that she would never be as good as me. now, that's not exactly what he said, and amy has a tendency to blow things out of proportion and to freak out about things, but still. i feel bad enough when my old teachers compare her to me *cough*MrsSullivan*cough*, but a teacher who's never even met me, for crying out loud. that's ridiculous. (my apologies to any fans of Mr. Salisbury reading this now. as i think i've pointed out by now, I don't know him. It's nothing personal. i just think it was unprofessional of him to have handled it the way he did)
and i think i have run out of random comments now, except for this one, which i just thought of- letter people rock! i vow they shall help Chrissy learn her alphabet.

Conscience Vs. Vengeance...Which shall win?

2005-01-03T14:33:00.000-08:00

I had fun last night. i went to youth group at GUM, and the theme was Extreme Makeover/The Swan. We divided into two groups and each group made over one person with hair extensions, dresses, high heels, make up, etc. our group was extremely hilarious, because of the person we chose. he warned me that whatever happens in youth group stays in youth group, but it's just so funny..... i won't post his name here, but it will be very difficult not to tell abby on saturday, as she would also find it extremely hilarious...and in some odd way, befitting... besides, she has enjoyed torturing him since upward bound started anyway. i did succumb and tell rachel, but if anyone else knows, that is amy's fault, because she decided she's going to tell everyone, even if i don't. and if he blames me, well then he's just paranoid with a guilty conscience.
On a more serious note, i found out my cousin Sean does not have narcilepsy, so he was shipped over to iraq. he was actually in the building next door to the mess hall where that suicide bomber was. scary. i wrote a poem about it, if you want to read it, go to this site- http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/13745371/ . other of my poems, and a few pieces of art, are in my gallery at- http://www.saraikristi.deviantart.com/gallery/ .
College started today, for the winter quarter. it feels strange to be back here again, i was getting used to going home after choir. but most of my books are very small and paperback, which is a good thing, and even my math book isn't that big. that's a big change from last quarter- now i can fit all my books in my bag. my professors seem nice enough. english prof. seems nice, but not too friendly. philosophy prof. seems nice and friendly, although i think she tries too hard on her jokes. i had my algebra prof. last quarter already. i love him, he's funny and nice and friendly. he teaches in a very understandable way, and best of all, he has a brittish accent. hehe. anyway, that's all for now.

Never doubt that a small group of people can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.

Traverse City Fun

2004-12-31T16:03:00.000-08:00

I am alive. Well, of course I am, you say. Not quite. That was called into question two days ago, when i went sledding. Let me see if I can show how these hills were set up...The first hill doesn't look incredibly steep, but it's slick and you go really fast. It would be like this > if you use your imagination and erase the lines on the bottom that are going the wrong way (just don't draw on the screen, that would be bad). That hill is lots of fun and not really dangerous. The second hill, however, is much taller and goes more like this \ in other words, straight down. i went down the first one once, then me and amy trekked to the top of the second hill. we looked down and saw our mom, emily, and the entire other family there all watching us. we however, were getting nervous. "we're going to die, i'm going to die" but we went down anyway, so fast that we flew off of our sleds at some point and just began rolling and sliding. we ended up going down that hill three more times, and even emily was brave enough to (she even went down backwards, but thats because she thinks thats less scary). I will upload pictures once we get home. my mom took practically two rolls of film while we were there, then took them to a one hour photo place yesterday. i might upload the picture of my grandmas cat and my perfectly decorated sugar cookies as well.

The only people crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who can.

Misunderstood

2004-12-27T21:43:00.000-08:00

shouts yells screams sobs doors slamming Everyone frustrated sobbing crying sreaming or worse muttering that they are misunderstood I hate it most when the mutter those are the words that it always seems I am the only one who hears I ame the only one affected by them The same way it seems like I am the only one who can feel others frustration in my heart and soul and very bones even when-especially when-it isn't spoken and since i am the only one feeling thses things it's only logical that of course they are speaking to me me for no one else is hearing or sensing their frustration and that is what then frustrates me and upsets me because no matter what they are actually saying-usually "no one understands"- I hear "YOU don't understand" and those words cut into my heart and i want to shout "i do understand! i want to help you, but you are too busy slamming doors. i cannot penetrate the cloud of negative energy you have surrounded yourself with. you say no one understands you, so certain that it's true, that it makes me invisible. I DO understand , but in your belief of being misunderstood and eternally frustrated, that cannot be so, so i cannot exist and am not here. i am invisible. Always the invisible bystander, no matter what is wrong or who is frustrated when people are talking i can feel the tension, hear the steel in their tone, when they cannot. i know exactly what both need to hear and say to make things right smooth things over. ofthen they are saying the same thing and need just a small translation to be understood. but they are too stubborn frustrated 'misunderstood' to sacrifice their ways and practices at all, in the tiniest gesture, to compromise. small words and phrases which would harm neither and help both cannot be said not even for the greater good of peace. instead both sit stewing in their seperate worlds, surrounded in their fog of negative energy and that is when I lose understanding. that they cannot see the slight changes necessary to make peace, that the would rather fill the entire place with negative energy and gloom and frustration until it smothers those of us- and i am the only one of us that i know- to whom frustration and gloom and negativity and misunderstanding are almost foreign, until we-I-are finally driven outside by it, where even with the snow and ice, it is warmer and more inviting than the atmosphere inside, fraught with misery and nerves and frustration and gloom.

AFTERNOTES-
1. please do not think that i am suddenly revealing a shockingly angry and destructive homelife. i'm not. these events are rare, usually happening only when everyone is sleep deprived and their patience is running thin. this applies as much if not more to choir, esp. the renaissance feaste and show choir.
2. if you read this, it is much more important to me that you try to understand others around you and see things through their eyes, rather than leaving a post of sympathy and sorryness. Although this doesn't mean don't post, keep in mind that the first is infinitely more important than the second.

Feliz Navidad! Веселое Рождество! Vrolijke Kerstmis! Frohe Weihnachten! Buon Natale! Joyeux Noël ! Merry Christmas!

2004-12-25T21:37:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas!

I'm debating going into my philosophy on santa claus or recounting the events of the day....

we'll start with my day and see if we're up for philosophizing (is that a word?). emily got amy up at 4:30 am to go downstairs and open stockings (we open stockings, then wake up parents and open presents). i got to sleep because i don't share a room with her :). then at 6:00 they woke me up, and parents, so we went downstairs to open presents. most of the day was spent playing new games, looking for old games that would enable us to play new ones, playing old games, playing more new games, decorating cookies, and realizing we need a new video card for our new computer game to work. lots of games. and TWO sit down, family meals in one day. some kind of record there.

As for santa claus philosophy...i'll try, but i'm not sure how well this will go, i've only really half thought it out myself. i think i always had a different kind of santa pictured in my mind than most kids (one more suited to the meaning of christmas in my opinion, but getting there). the picture of a guy in a jolly red suit, with flying reindeer...i never could really picture that as real (although i admit to throwing celery on the roof for those reindeer). i always knew the mall santas were fake, and i knew early on who was eating the cookies and milk and who was writing the letters from santa. i knew the "santa tracker" online was not really tracking santa. that is not to say i didn't believe in santa, far from it. i believed in santa longer than most people, because i really wanted to believe he was real. i took much heart from the dear virginia letter, which i still think is one of the best christmas stories in and of itself (the editorial in the enquirer was touching, but just not the same caliber and innocence...it didn't sound like it believed itself, really.) when i saw polar express, i almost cried, i really wanted to hear that bell. but the santa i believed in-and still do, when it comes right down to it- isn't the jolly red santa claus invented by coca cola. he's much closer to st. nicholas. what i'm about to say could be read the wrong way, but i'll say it anyway. I thought/think santa was kind of like God. Not in the way that i worshipped him, but in the way that Santa was a...prophet's not hte right word...mriacle worker? that God acted through. And he might not have hundreds of elves making tickle me elmos for spoiled children, but that simple gifts and gestures miraculously appeared for the poorest of children on Christmas morning. Strange, sure, and i've no idea where i got such a notion, but i much prefer it to the coca cola's santa, who in my opinion could be seen as the symbol of commercial christmas, whereas mine, i think, remains truer to what should be the true spirit of Christmas. And by now I may not be making any sense at all, so I'll end here.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a good night!

And for those curious, the order of the languages in the title is Spanish, Russian, Dutch, German, Italian, French, and English.

We could learn a lot from crayons: some are short, some are tall, and all are different colors, yet they all live peacefully in the same box.

Letter to Santa

2004-12-24T20:49:00.000-08:00

Dear Santa Claus,
Do you remember me?
I sat upon your knee
And spoke to you of childhood fantasies.
Well I'm all grown up now,
But still need help somehow
I'm not a child
But my heart still can dream.
So here's my life long wish-
My grown up Christmas list-
Not for myself,
But for a world in need.
No more lives torn apart,
That wars would never start,
And time would heal the heart.
Every one would have a friend,
That right would always win,
And love would never end,
This is my grown up Christmas list.
May kindness rule our lives,
Not just the strong survive,
Sweet tears for the thousand years gone by.
This is the world I pray
We will share someday
Help me begin by reaching out my hand.
No more lives torn apart,
That wars would never start,
And time would heal the heart.
Every one would have a friend,
That right would always win,
And love would never end,
This is my grown up Christmas list.
What is this illusion called
This innocence of youth?
Maybe only in our blind belief
Can we ever find the truth.
No more lives torn apart,
That wars would never start,
And time would heal the heart.
Every one would have a friend,
That right would always win,
And love would never end,
This is my grown up Christmas list.
This is the year I hope you hear
This is my grown up Christmas List.
Christmas List...
Yours,
Sarah

(words from the song A Grown Up Christmas List by Monica)

The Best Day of 2005: July 16, by far

2004-12-21T23:22:00.000-08:00

This is going to be a looooooooooooooooooooong post, so i'll get started. three topics today, but i think i'll save the best for last, or else i'll go on about it forever.

Okay, analysis of renaissance feast we cannot truly invent a kindness invention, cooperation invention, listening invention, or any other of those wonderful inventions we dreamed of on saturday, it's important to figure out how to get rid of all the STRESS associated with this concert.
1. better system for costumes, etc.
2. students listening to mrs. barton and not contradicting her
3. more organization and listening
4. and okay i'm tired of analyzing already. that was a stressful and frustrating day for everyone, and even though i didn't get too frustrated (i've decided i'm the most mellow person in choir, possibly the world) there is lots of negative energy there, and i want to get to my happy news.

Next up is work today. (not quite happy news yet). I was scheduled to work 2.30-10.30 today. Usually when I work that shift, i get one to two hours of down time, because everything dies down at night, and even during the day you get a decent amount of down time. The difference today is that they are forecasting a snowstorm for tonight. Now, those reading from Alaska or Siberia or Antarctica may not realize how this is relevant. The people in the tristate, for some reason, are terribly, horrible, completely, absolutely, one hundred percent terrified of any amount of snow. EVERYONE flocks to the stores to stock up on bread and milk. I said earlier i usually get one to two hours of down time, aside from breaks. Today, I literally had two MINUTES, tops. there was always a line. it was incredible, even at 10.30 at night, there were over a dozen people in line at various registers. i knew people in the area were known for taking snow extremely seriously (sometimes too much so) i'd never actually seen it before. we were absolutely mobbed. i'm glad i'm home.

Ha, now i get to share the best news of the century (since February of '03, at least). THERE IS A RELEASE DATE FOR HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF BLOOD PRINCE (for all you who don't follow harry potter as closely as i do, for some reason, or worse, don't even read it [gasp], that's the sixth book [of the seven book series]). Hee heee heee, i'm happy. I'm ecstaticl. JKR wrote this one a year faster than book five (evident in the fact that instead of screaming, shouting, and hyperventilating when i found out, i simply flew down the stairs in disbelief).

oh, you want to know what the date is? ;-) It's July 16, of course. what else would the title of this entry be referring to?

"Because that's what Hermione does. When in doubt, go to the library."

"One day, you'll read Hogwarts A History, and maybe that will remind you that you CAN'T apparate or disapparate within Hogwarts."
"Alas, earwax."
"I should've made my meaning clearer. I meant all tests set by a competent teacher."
"Jordan, are you being paid to advertise firebolts?! Get on with the commentary!"
"She seemed to think I cared more about winning the match than your life. Honestly, just because I said i didn't care if the broom bucked you off as long as you caught the snitch first..."
"Give her hell from us, Peeves."

Let it snow, Let it snow, Let it snow Snow SNOW

2004-12-16T08:36:00.001-08:00

I'm happy, our computer has been fixed and i can post from home now. but brrr...i can't type very well because my fingers are cold. that's okay though. it's allowed to be cold now, because it snowed, finally. yay! i love snow. it even stuck to the ground. not much, and most of it melted, but there's still a bit there. and i think i heard on the radio that we're supposed to get Moderate snowfall saturday-sunday. i was half asleep, so i'm not positive, but i'm pretty sure that's what i heard, and it makes me happy. i love the snow, it's so pretty and soft and white and pure and it tastes good, too! but only one of my five good friends likes the snow. actually, i'm not sure whether phyl likes the snow or not. abby has a good reason for not liking it, and she still admits it's pretty, but krystal and miles hate it for no good reason. they tell me i'll hate it too once i start driving, but rachel drives and she loves snow as much as me. now, i will be very upset if we get all this snow and then it starts raining again the week before christmas and ruins the idea of a white christmas. but there's no indication, as far as i've heard, that it will warm up soon, and...wow, i just realized christmas is next saturday. okay then, it's almost definitely not going to rain before christmas, and i really need to go christmas shopping. let's see, i've already got my friends done, so it's safe to post my list on here, it's just family and teacher left.

DONE

Begley-pink tee
Rachel-frog balloon
Phyl-elmo figurine
Miles-candy
Krystal-mismatched socks
Abby- oh, wait, i can't say because she hasn't gotten it yet
Mom- candle
Grandma B- pb cookies
Grandpa B- peanut brittle

TO DO

Amy- exchange sweatshirt
Emily-?
Dad-?
Grandma M- make auto visor clip
Barton- basket of anti-stress stuff
Jen-?

okay then, i need to visit the mall and the dollar store. i'll be quiet and go examine the calendar now...

~Shoot for the moon, even if you miss, you'll land among the stars.~

FINALS are FINALLY over FREEDOM is FREEDOMLY here

2004-12-10T14:43:00.001-08:00

i feel so free.....i just took my last final exam, and it was much easier than i expected, so now i have nothing to do except work on my begley story and scholarship/college stuff while i wait for college to start again in january. aah, such a good feeling. i can finally write and such again without feeling guilty because i should be studying or working on essays. aah, i'm happy. and i got my PSAT results back, and i did really really good on that (would have done better, but math is stupid)....oh wait, that reminds me that i'm taking the ACT tomorrow morning. okay, so i'm not quite free yet, but i don't get all worried about standardized tests. they don't affect my grades at all and it's only my junior year so i have plenty of time to take it over again if i do bad. actually, as much as i hate standardized tests, they can be almost relaxing if you approach them the right way.

you can all stop looking at me like i'm crazy any time now.

i still do have to wake up in the morning for choir, though, and i have show choir in the afternoons, but that's all right. and show choir's going pretty good this year, surprisingly. i only wish we could grasp the concept of moving on before we perfect the previous dance moves. i've been practicing what we know of ABC and Mountain Music, and i really wish i knew at least the rest of ABC so i could put it all together. oh, and i get to be in charge for the first time on monday. barton wants to do a personality test that we learned at the group dynamics workshop at show choir camp (we as in me and barton learned it, because april and krystal were at different workshops then). exciting stuff. that reminds me i have to email barton and tell her that my mom can't make copies of it, but i figured out a way to do it without copies...

there was something actually meaningful that i had gotten the idea to write about a few days ago, but now i can't remember what it was......

oh yeah. the mean voice inside my head. believe it or not (i'm sure some people won't) there's this voice inside my head that thinks extremely mean things about people. that voice never gets anywhere near actually speaking, except in the rare case of truly wicked people, (ie the evil lady at krogers), because usually it's judgemental and not true and...mean. i yell at it (mentally) every time it thinks something, but it hasn't gone away completely yet. now, not to excuse said voice by any means, but i think i figured out a partial explanation for why it's there. i read interviews of authors a lot, and one of the things they talk about is how they knew they liked to write/were a good writer (stick with me here, i'm not as off topic as i seem). one thing that came up a lot is that they were good at telling stories out loud. now, i'm not very good at telling stories out loud, usually because i crack up laughing half way through (i even started laughing relating the story of how amy almost died, but that's rachel's fault because of how she reacted, anyway), so it would alwasy disappoint me to read that. but a few people mentioned that they liked to write because they were fascinated by people, and thats where i fit in, with the mean voice inside my head (see, i wasn't off topic). i wonder about people, and the mean voice in my head, whether or not what it says is true, sets off further wonderings. using the evil lady from krogers as an example again, i wonder why she's so mean, and if she was ever a sweet little girl, and what happened in her life that changed her so dramatically from a sweet little girl to an evil old lady (or a walking corpse, as one of my coworkers insists). i look at all the middle aged people working at kroger and fast food places and dead end jobs, and i wonder what they wanted to be when they were kids, and if they still dream of being that. i especially wonder that about james, our perfect cashier. it seems to me, at least, that he could do anything he wanted. i think that every person has a story, is a story, but since i know very few people's actual stories, the mean voice in my head helps me make them up. not by making everyone evil, but by starting my wondering process.

okay, deep thought time is over for today.

oh, and i think i mentioned this before, but from now until january, my only access to a computer whose posting page works properly will be very sporadically through the library computer, so december will probably be a month of few posts. if i go through any emotional crisis (unlikely, but you never know), i'll write them down and then upload them when i get to a working computer. but, like i said, i have to go email barton, so i'll be quiet.

Be who you want to be, not who people want to see.

Too Much Free Time Can Be Hazardous To Your Health

2004-12-03T11:37:00.000-08:00

me and rachel didn't have english class today, which meant that we had an extra hour between high school and college with nothing to do. we decided to go out to breakfast, so we went to Frisch's (also known as Big Boy, if you live in michigan). I grabbed two coloring sheets on the way in, so we could color while we waited for our food. while coloring, rachel realized we needed a red crayon, so she went around to the three other booths in our section raiding their cups of crayons. the waitress came back with our food and saw that rachel had been searching for a certain color of crayon. she looked at the crayons we had, saw we had no yellow crayon, and went and brought us back two yellow crayons. we just laughed. here we were, two high schoolers, and the waitress is bringing us crayons. it was rather sad. After we finished eating, we continued coloring, because it wasn't even 10:00 yet. rachel decided it was time to go when i became amazed by the realization that big boy was holding a hat, not a helmet, in the picture, which made it make so much more sense.

The ride to the college passed uneventfully until we were almost to the driveway and i said that i'd always wondered what was past the college, because it seemed like the road just led to the middle of nowhere for forever. rachel responded with "okay, lets go see" because we still had over a half an hour left to kill. it turns out the road just went a little bit further, and it leads to some more apartmenst and a development center of some sort.

Then we finally arrived in the college parking lot, now having a little less than a half hour left. rachel turned off the car and we just sat there, not wanting to go to college today. rachel realized she had parked between two parking spaces instead of in one, so she reparked. then we just sat, and i watched her poke the steering wheel with her keys as we wondered what would happen if she made the airbag explode by doing that. after about ten minutes, we realized we had to go inside, because we would go insane if we stayed in that car any longer.

And......that's all. my class lasted a whole six minutes, so i'm bored now, but i should go check my email or something, so i'll be quiet.

Save a tree, eat a beaver.

Sweet Little Kids Day

2004-12-02T23:12:00.000-08:00

WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS EXTREME FLUFF AND GUSHING. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

You know how people make up holidays for the strangest things these days? today must be Sweet Little Kids Day. At least it seems that way to me. It started when i went over to the little kids school to tutor Chrissy, this sweet little first grade girl, because i'm her reading tutor. I hadn't been able to make it the week before (braces appt, fun) and i hadn't told her beforehand because i didn't know/forgot (i'm not sure which one, really) so i had sent her a card explaining why i wasn't there and wishing her a happy thanksgiving (it was actually my mom's idea, technically). so today i walked into the classroom and i said i was there for chrissy and she jumped up, came over to me, and gave me a hug, and asked me if i was the one that sent her the card. then at some point during our half hour, she told me "i like you". now, little kids are the only ones who can get away with saying that and being sweet and cute. anyone older than elementary age does that, you look at them funny and back away because by then everyone hides their feelings and such blunt statements of affection are not allowed. but back to the sweet little kids. okay, so Chrissy was sweet. then when several sweet little kids came through my register at krogers (where i worked for eight hours today, joy). i'm not sure i can remember all of them, but lets see. there were one or two babies, they're always sweet. then there was a brother and sister, i think the sister was a little bit older, maybe 4 and 6, 5 and 7, something like that, but they were both so polite. the little girl asked if she could please have a sticker, and her brother got one too, and then the brother said thank you (so did the sister) and then he said thank you again (i think he was showing off to his mom about his good manners). they weren't complete angels, though, they were both a bit hyper (they had been bagging, but when i gave them stickers, their mom told them their job was to hold their stickers and stay out of the way). near the end, i had a girl about 8, maybe who wanted to get a baby bottle pop, and she went to give it to me, but the lady ahead of her still had to pay. so she set it down and literally started jumping up and down. not huge jumps, just little hops, but it was just over and over and over again, like she was on a trampoline (mind you, this is about 9:00 at night). you just had to laugh, watching her. and i gave her a sticker. oh yeah, and then there was a little boy, maybe 4, who was sleeping in the cart, and the way he was sprawled out on the cart and lying so still, i thought he was a scarecrow or something when i glanced him at first. but he looked just adorable, because all little kids look angelic when they sleep, with his long dark eyelashes and his little hand curled up in a semi fist....awwww....

okay, i'm done gushing about sweet little kids, I'll be quiet now.

Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright before you hear them speak.

Boredom, Begley, Birthdays

2004-12-01T14:31:00.000-08:00

I'm bored. I'm sitting here in the college library (not the computer lab, because here i can drink my free tea and eat my free chex mix that i got from the "holiday party" downstairs...actually, i think it might be crispix mix...anyway) waiting for rachel to get out of spanish class so i can go to show choir. i wonder if she's presented the skit she hasn't memorized yet. hmm. i could be doing my math homework, because i'm about a chapter and a half behind and it's due friday if i want the extra credit. i could be studying for my math exam on friday, because even though its open book and open note, our professor didn't give us the answers already the way rachel's professor did. but i can't really do either of those things because i didn't bring my book with me (although the library probably has a copy, now that i think of it...but that's too much work). i could study for my chemistry quiz tomorrow, but i pretty much remember the orbitals and quantum numbers and shells and subshells from high school chemistry, and i don't really need this quiz grade anyway, because i already have five good quiz scores and he only takes our five highest. i could study for my history final exam on monday, but i don't have my history book with me. i could study for my chemistry final exam, but that's not till next friday. so now that i've knocked out all those options, checked my email, checked deviantart, and checked my friends' blogs...i'm bored.

hang on, i'd just thought of something semi-meaningful i could write, and now i lost it....

oh! me and rachel get to go visit begley on tuesday! yay! i sent him two emails asking him when we could come, both of which were blocked by little miami's extremely finicky virus software, so then i sent him a third one that basically warned that we would have to pick a random day to spontaneously visit then, so he could get his christmas present, because he ws getting it, like it or not. he replied, very confused, What are you talking about? When do you want to visit? me and rachel laughed, and then, because i'm such a nice person, i explained it to him, and he wrote back and said we could come on tuesday. so we get to go give him a new keystrap and a "tough guys wear pink" tshirt (if you haven't seen one before, it's a hot pink t shirt with the words, tough guys wear pink written on it in black)...hahahahahahahaha...if you don't understand what's so funny about a keystrap and a pink tshirt, say so and i'll clarify, but i think everyone reading this knows already.

i still have twenty minutes to kill before rachel comes back....oh, i was going to make my algebra professor a birthday card. he has an english accent, so he deserves one. i think i'll go get more tea and popcorn too, so i'll be quiet now.

There are two ways of spreading light: be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.

To Do List

2004-12-01T10:50:00.000-08:00

There may end up being a three week break in my blog because i just discovered that i can't post at home, there's a problem with it on my computer. Hopefully it was just a one day thing, but if not, i can only post at school, and school lets out next week until january third. Yay, in a week and a half final exams will be over. That will take about three things off my to do list. I finally wrote everything down on my to do list, because they were all in my head and i kept thinking of them at inconvenient times and it would just keep bothering me and making me anxious, so this is my to do list.

Call driving school
Do laundry
Clean room
Order contacts
Get stamp for envelope
English portfolio
History Paper
Lab report
Rennaisance costume
Christmas shopping

That's just what i remember of it, because it's at home and i'm at school (otherwise, i couldn't be posting). However, I've already finished my history paper and my lab report. And two days ago I called the driving school. (I'll pause now while those who know me recover from fainting....Everyone back? Alright then). I was going to go christmas shopping saturday, after upward bound, but we're going to the lebanon horse parade when i get home. And my chemistry class starts in ten minutes, so i'll be quiet now.

I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.

Okey Dokey Then

2004-11-29T20:53:00.000-08:00

Alright, I finally have a blog. Now we just have to see if I am brave enough to post what I think when people I know are reading it. I think I should be.... And I don't have to worry about the practice of keeping a journal...I kind of have one now, that I update whenever i have some extreme thought or emotion. I'm not sure if this will replace or implement that, but I guess we'll see. until then, signing off to go do homework...due tomorrow...ten percent of grade...i don't procrastinate, nope not me.....

Dreams are necessary to life.